Bursting...

I'm gonna be away from the computer today...it's a long story, I'll fill you in with boring details later ;)

It is the day, however, that I am supposed to hear back from the Principal of our high-school to see if we can have the only slot left for an exchange student. I've been hanging on for a week...waiting for his reply.

The waiting has made me feel like I might burst from the inside out. Seriously...I'm that bad at waiting for news like this.

Needless to say, God has taken advantage of the waiting and revealed much about who He is.

And He is good.

Whether we get to host this year or not...He is still good.

Happy Weekend friends and I look forward to updating you later!

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As If...

Last night during the Bible Club lesson I sat amongst the kids for a little role I like to call "crowd control." Granted, it was a small crowd, but it was made up of mostly squirley little boys.



One sweet little first grade boy was sitting in the front row...with ants in his pants (we say that kinda thing 'round here), one pew out of my reach. When I caught his eye, I smiled at him and motioned for him to come back and sit beside me.



He complied, and as he took the seat next to me, I heard him whisper to himself under his breath...I hate when I have to sit by the old ladies.



I silently *gasped* to myself. Surely he didn't think I was an old lady?!?



Oh yes he did! :)



I assure you, the inner 15-year old living inside of me...well, her feelings were hurt, HURT! Poor, poor girl.



Later on in the lesson something came up about old people, and my own first grader who was sitting on the other side of me leaned in and whispered, mom...you're old! As if they were talking about me...thank you Noah, thank you.



My inner 15 year old has two words for you first graders...AS IF!!



Remember saying As If?!? I may start again...because there's nothing like an old lady talking like a teenager ;)

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Guilty

A little story.

There once was a young lad in Kindergarten. And while at kindergarten, in his class of twenty some six year olds, he made a small can that held grass magic seed he'd planted and watered and watched grow.

His mom forgot to take a picture of it.

Which is sad...because the little magic seed container never stood a chance after being brought to the Kindergartner's home...where the three year old little brother resides.

The evidence of destruction:

The dumping

The feeble attempt at cleaning up the evidence

All that remains

The culprit...and the punishment

Guilty.

There's a given fact around our home...curiosity kills anything the three year old touches.

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Poor Poor Pitiful Me...

Everything in life...anything of worth, requires maintenance.

Everyone knows this...it's not some new deep thought.

I've known this for a long time...logically speaking.  But every fiber of my being wills it to not be true.  I want to work at something ONE time, maybe two and then I want it to just work perfectly...forever.

I think I'm not alone.  

I know that's not how it works...but it doesn't change the fact that sometime...many times I act as though it should work that way.  And when it doesn't, I play victim and give up, because it MUST not be fair...it shouldn't be SO HARD, right?!?

Yes it should.  Yes it is.  Time to get over it.

That's what I heard as I poured out my heart out to God this morning before finally dragging my lazy body out of bed.  I whined and complained to Him about how tired I was...about how cold it was, about how evil my treadmill was....on and on. 

It was my own answers to my complaints that hit me.    It was my thoughts on how things should feel...

• I should be able to go to bed at a reasonable hour, and be able to pop up in the morning, cheery and ready to start my day.
• Ditto for the kids.
• When I get out of bed, I should step into a house that is clean...because after all, I spent TWO weeks getting it organized...it should STAY THAT WAY without me having to attend to it all the time.
• My kids should get up, get dressed, eat breakfast, brush their teeth and THEN watch cartoons until school starts...because that's the routine, they know it, they just should do it.
• I will of course have gotten up by 6 AM (cheery) and spent the time alone with God that I so desperately need.  I'd also have time to make a menu/grocery list so that I could hit the store after dropping the kids off to school.
• I would then hit the treadmill, shower and actually have myself ready by...say...11.
• Then, I could work on ministry stuff...all the while my house would stay clean because no one would be undoing whatever it was that I had done.
• Supper would be planned and prepared, because I of course, had a menu and all the ingredients needed to make it.
• Then, and this is the kicker, we would all sit down and NOT ONE CHILD would complain and refuse to eat.

Sound lofty?  Some of it is, some of it is completely unrealistic.  According to the amount of work I think I should have to put in, in order to achieve this makes it IMPOSSIBLE!

Have you ever looked at women who seem to be able to pull this off and think,  how in the world does she do it?  I'm ashamed to say, that most often, I assume that it's easy for her.  That there must be something in her life that makes it extra easy for her to pull that off.  That I, on the other hand, have it so much harder...that MUST be why I can't do it.

Wrong.  So wrong.  Truthfully, that crazy list is not really that lofty (except for the kids actually getting themselves ready:).  But it requires work, and diligence.  It requires doing what needs to be done even when I don't feel like it.  It requires no excuses.

I don't have to work any harder than anybody else to accomplish things.  Time to stop giving myself excuses.  Time to do things I don't feel like doing.  Which for me right now, means folding an enormous basked of whites...my least favorite ;)

If you relate at all to this, I'd love to hear your thoughts :)

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Pace Yourself...

I am one of those people that gets a particular idea in her head and it snowballs from there.

One track mind, so to speak. I wanna keep at something until it's finished. I'm really bad at being able to stop and start something back up again, I usually need to just keep plowing through and finish.

There's advantages to this. And there's some disadvantages. Big ones.

The biggest is that it tends to consume my thoughts, almost to the point where it causes me to ignore other things. It also means I can get easily burnt out.

I end up running ahead of God most of the time. He places part of His plan in front of me...a very tiny portion, and then I'm off and running...too fast.

Pace yourself, my child...pace yourself.

It's what I hear Him whispering, over and over again. He knows how long the journey is, and it's not a sprint.

I'm beginning week two of half marathon training. The distance is still easy, it's the consistency right now that is more of a shock to my system. I've been running now for two years. I am completely content never running more than 4 miles at one time. Completely.

When the seed of the half marathon idea was first planted, I scoffed. Why would I run THAT far?!? WHY? But inside, I knew I was supposed to do it.

Training is so much more mental for me than it is physical. Granted, my body is going to be in some serious pain, I'm sure...but to get to that pain, I first have to believe that I can get it done.

It requires me to pace myself. The physical training is so closely related to my spiritual growth right now...He's showing me, in a very tangible way, what pacing myself looks like.

I wish it didn't require a 13.1 mile race and 16 weeks of training for me to get that...but some of us have to learn the hard and painful way ;)


PS - I cannot say enough great stuff about Beth Moore's study Living Beyond Yourself. If anyone reading this happens to know me in real life and is interested in jumping in, it's not too late! We meet every other Tuesday night from 6:30-8:30. Drop me an email with any questions.

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Consumed

I really did try to come up with a new thought for this post, but my mind is sill consumed with all the stuff I've already blogged about this week...and then some.

Here's some beyond randomness that's going on in my head...

• This was my first week of half-marathon training. The halfsie (which is my new pet name for it) will be in June. I've got me some time. BUT, this body needs it, trust me. I printed the customized schedule from Runners World and highly recommend the website.
• Tomorrow night I have a date with my husband...which is looong over due.
• Still waiting to hear back from the principal of our high school about the exchange students placement. Last night we had our final interview and all of the paper work is done...now we wait. I would be a terrible candidate for adopting, I can hardly wait to find out if we get to host this girlie...and she's not even mine. All you bloggy friends who are in the adopting process have some special prayers coming from my direction...you are amazing.
• Living Beyond Myself. It's no easy task.
• Eli broke his glasses. We made it half the school year...far longer than I thought we would. If the eye Dr. can't fix them we're gonna make duct taped glasses cool again...I think we can pull it off.
• I can't stop listening to the following song today. It's sort of an oldie, which is why I heart it so much.
  
  

• I'm a little obsessed with the Pottery Barn Teen catalog right now.
• I've been a little scattered this week. Started lots of different things and finished nothing. Annoying.
• Happy Friday!! YAY!!

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Under-Achiever

On my own, I am the classic under-achiever.  I really am.  

My natural gut instinct is to do just enough to get by.  If you asked any of my coaches or teachers from back in the day, they would completely confirm this to be true.  

Sure, there have been a few areas here and there that I've excelled, but it wasn't due to the sense of achieving something great.  

Quite frankly...I'm good with average.  I like average.  I'm comfortable with average.

Lately though, as I'm learning to more closely walk in the Spirit of the Living God, I'm finding that what He wants me to do, is taking me out of my little average comfort zone.   And just when I think I've stepped so far out that I can't see my beloved comfort zone anymore, He JUST KEEPS GOING until I can't even remember where the comfort zone is or was!

And it's good, and it's peaceful...even though it makes no sense.

There's specifics of these things right now...most of which will not make it to the big ole Internet...at least for now.  

One thing though, is what I shared yesterday.

Today I got a call from the exchange student coordinator letting me know that our little school district only has 2 slots open for exchange students, and that another program may have already filled them.  (This usually doesn't happen this early on)  We're waiting to hear back from the principal. 

My friend, the coordinator, wrote these words to me:

I believe if God wants you to host this year and have this student that the principal will give us the school slot.  After all, He is in control, and already knows!

How true.  I don't know the outcome yet.  But I do know we took the steps He wanted us to take, and that His plan is so far beyond my wildest dreams that He can only show me a teeny-tiny portion at a time.  

I don't have to have it figured out.  I just need to be doing what He tells me to do.  

We're praying today, that whatever His plan...it would be accomplished...both in this particular situation and in us.  It's exciting, really.  To just sit back and watch Him work!

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