We Go Out...

Ben and I had the lovely opportunity to attend a beautiful wedding not long ago.  We got dressed up and then left all the kids in the care of Grandma and Grandpa, which means we actually enjoyed the wedding.

Fun times.

After the wedding, when I looked at these pictures, I realized I had totally skipped my eyeliner and mascara.  Whoops.  I guess it meant that nothing smeared all over my face after I cried watching my two sweet little nephews walk down the aisle as the ring bearers.  Seriously, they were so sweet I bawled.  I'm not the only one that does that?  Right?

One of the songs in the wedding was Brandon Heath's, Love Never Fails.  So now it's at the top of my playlist because it's one of my new favorites.  Even though it's not new at all.

I love weddings.  And the bride and groom were beautiful and handsome but you'll have to take my word for it because I forgot my camera.  Loser.

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In Gear

I've sorta been working my butt off to make Christmas enjoyable this year.  Makes sense, right?

I'm a procrastinator at heart.  And action.  Whatever.  But so far I have several key Christmas presents currently purchased or on their way from my beloved Amazon AND my Christmas cards are being sent via Snapfish as. we. speak.

See, I told ya.  I am a Christmas Overachiever this year. 

Also, the most expensive cut down tree that we've ever purchased (thank you drought of 2012) is currently on display in our old kitchen.  Which hasn't been remodeled yet, but you know how it is after you live with something for long enough you just learn to ignore stuff?  Well, we ignore the cupboards and sink that no longer works.  Back to the point:  I've even watched a couple Christmas movies.  Elf and A Very Brady Christmas.  Good times.

I'm hoping to soak it all in this year.  Even if it is crazy fast.  We're even attempting to do Ann Voskamps Jesse Tree Avent Calendar.  It's amazing & free.  And by attempting, I mean we've already had to combine days because we missed some because we're like that.  I want to build the anticipation of Jesus' birth.  Because it's about Him.  And along the way, I want to enjoy the celebrations and hoopla and crazy that go along with it. 

Tis the season...

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Stuck

So.  Forever ago (October 19th to be exact) I told you that TOMORROW I would tell you about one of my favorite Bible Studies that our group is currently doing...

And tomorrow turned into December 2nd.  My bad.  

But I can say, that I'm further into the study than I was back in October and it.is.so.good.

It's called STUCK.

One of the best ways I can describe it, is that God has used it as a sort of means of bringing refining, and purifying to my spiritual life.  It assaulted all my "good enough" perceptions of myself.  It made me look at areas of my life, my personality, with a fresh perspective...or a fresh dose of reality.  And a lot of what I saw in me needed to be surrendered.  Crucified.

It's interesting though.  Much like what happens when someone is presented with the Gospel of Christ...their hearts are softened or hardened by it's message, I've noticed that through this study, dealing with these areas of sin causes us to either soften and repent or bristle and ignore.  Whether we like to admit it or not, it's a reflection of our spiritual condition.  I love a study that can do that.  One that can cut to the quick of God's calling for us. 

It's so very good. 

  

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I'm Alive and Well

You know you've ignored your blog for too long when you start receiving emails and questions about your well-being.  

Sorry about that.

November was an interesting month.  And I wish there was a way to blog about some of the things I learned, experienced, and grew from...but there's no way to do it in a way that remains general enough.  My life is too "small" to be vague enough.  And so this past month will be one of those lessons that I have to learn from and then keep private...because that's just how blogging works sometimes. 

Blogging can be tricky., because like any writer, you're putting yourself out there for not only encouragement, but ridicule as well.  You run the risk that people are going to misunderstand your words, your heart, your intentions.  I think anyone that has blogged for a significant amount of time can attest to this.  It's just part of the deal.  That's hard to overcome sometimes.  And sometimes it just seems easier to shut-up.  Lock down.  And then something happens...

Emails.  Thoughtful questions and concerns.  And the Holy Spirit's gentle reminder that there's a purpose in the writing.

There's a purpose in the writing.  And my purpose is not to be understood by people...it's to share my journey.  My journey.  So I'm going to get back at that.  

Thanks for hanging around for it. :)

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Life

This Week:

• Parenting has kicked my butt.  And four kids is a lot of work. *shocking*  Some days I feel like I'm doing a great job with two and a terrible job with the other two (the number and children vary.)  Fighting that feeling of not being and doing enough as a mom.  
• Lucy and I are heading to Target today.  It has a Starbucks in it and I have a coupon for buy one get one free.  And yes: I am planning on drinking both.
• I finished off a gallon of fresh pressed apple cider...almost entirely by myself.  Diabetes is waiting around the corner.
• Remember I set that goal?  Well, I've got 28 miles in so far and I think I'll hit my goal with no problem. Who knew?  Sadly, the 50 miles of running can't begin to burn off all the cider.  But, it's fall...and the cider must be drank.  Drunk?  English...gets me every time.
• I successfully washed two wool peacoats without shrinking them.  Score. Because I have no problem spending 5 bucks on a small cup of coffee, but to clean my coat?  Nah.  Last year I just wore it all winter with it having junk all over it.  The trick was to wash on cold, with very little agitation (front loader) and air dry.  It smelled stinky when wet (wool) but fresh and clean once it dried!
• I am a guest blogger over at The Domestic Fringe today.  I love her and her blog, and I'm honored she invited me (and my bad grammar) over for a guest post.  Go tell her hi...and help her not regret her decision. ;)
• I scalded my hand on the steam from the church coffee pot that I was cleaning out with vinegar.  Genius.
• I made a pot of coffee (several times) and 4:00 in the afternoon.  Just because.  

I hope your week was as riveting as mine.

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Anything

It probably began last winter sometime...I began thinking a lot about prayer.  When we would ask for prayer requests at church, in Bible Study, Sunday School, they always looked the same.  Most were about physical needs.  Some were about life situations and very, very few were about our own spiritual struggles.  

And it bothered me.  It bothered me that in my own life prayer had become about petitioning God for what I thought was best.  Bring healing.  Provide here.  Work out this situation.   Bossy.  

I couldn't shake that nagging thought of, "Who are you, to think you know best?"  

Because I know myself.  And I know nothing about how anything is going to turn out.  Ever.  I make wrong assumptions, wrong choices, often with wrong motives.  And yet when I spoke to my Holy God, I came before Him with instructions.

Why?  WHY?  There were a couple reasons.  One:  That's how people around me pray.  We all do it.  I mean, when the prayer line comes around to me and I say, "You got this God.  Do what honors and glorifies You...and no matter what that is, help us to draw close to you and bring You glory."  What are people gonna think?!?  It might end up sounding like I am just in a hurry.  So instead, I list out a few (not all) and then wrap it up. People pleasing at its finest.  Two:  If I  just list out instructions, then I'm not responsible for really accepting His plan.  And I think I'm in control, and that makes me feel better.  Except that is doesn't.  Because ultimately I know that I'm a moron and shouldn't be left in control. Of anything.

And then this spring I got an email.  They'd like to know if I would review a book.  And it's called Anything.  And in my gut I know this is God's timing.

It's called Anything: the prayer that unlocked my God and my Soul by Jennie Allen.

If you want less God, then you will hate this book.  If you want to remain in control because you know best, this book is not for you.  

But if you are feeling that nagging-in-the-gut that you are holding back from God...then read this.  I promise you it will hurt so good.

Part 1 of the book is called Everything Keeping us from Anything, and I read through that thinking yep, yep, yep.  Right on.  

Part 2 is called Praying Anything and that's the part of the book where the tears begin to flow...because the prayer of Anything is hard.  And scary.  But essential if we want to know the fullness that God has for us.

And Part 3 is my favorite, called Living Anything.  Jennie gets down to the nitty gritty of what that means, and how (practically) that works out in our lives.  

Jennie's writing style is easy, and honest and simply to the point.  I adore it. 

I've found that Anything is a prayer I pray, and then often try to take back.  I often pray anything, and mean anything but that.  I'm a work in progress, and two steps forward and one step back is still better than being stuck.

And Stuck is what I'm talking about tomorrow.  Stick around.  And say hello.  Stalkers. ;)
  

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Where I'm At

I don't plan out blog posts.  Mostly because I want to be me...and I'm a procrastinator.  So whatever I'm writing about, is just me, where I'm at.  

This fall I have been teaching/leading three different areas of ministry within our little church.  We're little, which means most of the core group is serving in more than one area.  I often think maybe that's the reason some people avoid little churches...you're needed.  And life is busy, and the more I talk to people, the more I realize that each of us acknowledges each others busyness, but secretly, we think we're the busiest.  

And maybe we are.  And if that's true, then that's sad.  But busy is not the point of this post.  Digression.

Ministry is where I'm currently at.  

God has been messing with me in lots of different areas.  Which I'm planning to share with you over the next few days.  Frustrations, anger, complaining, people pleasing, fear of man...it's ugly.

Teaching spiritual stuff is so very good.  And so very hard.  And has been absolutely essential in my spiritual growth.  

It requires time.  And preparation.  And God wants me to get what I am teaching (that's where the hard part comes in.)  It requires commitment.  And prayer.  I can't decide I don't feel like going.  It requires putting other people above myself.  It requires inconvenience...which may be the very definition of servant hood.  It requires obedience.  It requires being held to a higher standard.  And for me, it's what God uses to change me, mold me.  

These three areas of ministry have not caused the "busy-ness" and hassle that you would think they should.  They're producing growth...and growth, in regard to myself, is almost always painful.  But in the end, it produces something so beautiful, not just for myself, but for those around me.  It boils down to this:  Jesus makes a difference in my life.  I want other people to know He can make a difference in theirs too.  And that makes all the requirements minuscule in comparison.

If you have never taught, or led in an area of ministry in your church:  You should.  Period.  And I don't mean greeting at the door, or working in the nursery once a month (those are great things, and still do those :) but I mean going beyond the ministry that just requires you to show up.  In fact, do it regularly.  Not constantly, but regularly.  Because in the end, what do our beliefs mean if we aren't willing to give of ourselves for His glory?

You will not learn enough, or grow enough by just showing up on Sunday or Wednesday or whatever day.  That's what your pastor wants to tell you, but can't because you're too busy telling him how busy you are.  Just kidding!...that's what his wife wants to tell you. ;)

Till tomorrow...or ten days from now.

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