I've Been Hiding...

I've been hiding from the blog.  But one can only hide for so long.  I've been avoiding the blog because I've gone quiet.  That's what I do when I'm grieving, or coming up against something hard in my life.  Some people are able to muster their thoughts into deep, moving posts which help them work through whatever is facing them.  But for me, words fail me.  Writing about it doesn't  make me feel better.  I wish it did, but it doesn't.    


I go quiet in real life too.  I need time to think.  To feel.  To process...without everyones thoughts and input and words.  I can't hear God when everyone else is talking to me...and so, for a time, I just sit at His feet...because He's the only one that understands me.  


My last post was December 31st.  At the time I wrote it, I didn't know that I would be spending New Years Eve with good friends...at a Hospice Home.  Laughing, and crying, not knowing what to say, or what to do.   Much has changed since December 31st.  


God called Tate home to Heaven on January 3rd.   My tears and hurt are not for Tate, because I know where he is, running around in that perfect new body that, here on earth, didn't cooperate with him.  


I hurt for my son, who lost one of his best buddies.   I hurt for my friend, who buried her son.  I hurt for their family...because going on with life without Tate seems nearly impossible.  My heart aches for them.


A new perspective has formed.  Tragedy does that.  It's a crash course in perspective.  What I once would have seen as problems, both in my own life, and in others, now seem...well, sort of ridiculous.  


Absolutely ridiculous.


I no longer am going to live my daily life wallowing in meaningless problems either my own or those around me.  What a waste.  Maybe that's not the best thing for a pastors wife to say...after all, we're supposed to sympathize with everyone, right?  Or not.  Maybe all the sympathizing is the wrong thing.  Maybe sometimes, they need a good dose of reality as well.  Maybe, like me, they need to be reminded to Get Over Themselves.  That life is not about me.  It's about what God wants to do through me...which is far greater that meaningless annoyances. 


Let's grieve with those who truly need to grieve.  Let's hurt with those who hurt.  But let's also tell each other when we're being ridiculous.  


My filter is gone, eh? ;)

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In the Moment...

A year ago today, Ben and I were at a giant hospital (the hospital Tate is now in) to have a level II ultrasound because of a tiny cyst they had found on Lucy's brain.  I was 5 months pregnant.  You can go back and read the story here and here.  

It's one of those days that will stick in my head forever.  I remember how I felt, how the hospital smelled, the shoes I wore, the nervousness, the relief, sweet relief that the cyst was gone, that the baby was perfect, and she was indeed still a girl ;)  

Some days from this past year are like that.  Completely memorable.  Others, are just ordinary and blur together. I'm so thankful for both.  It's why I blog, it's life, and it's all worth documenting...the good, the bad, the ugly.

I never know what each day is going to bring.  Oh, I think I know, I plan, I anticipate...sometimes I dread, but really not one of us knows what the next moment will hold.  Only my Heavenly Father knows, and only He gives me the grace to bear whatever is in store.  Joy or pain...I need His grace either way.

My friend Steph, Tate's mom, had this quote as a favorite:  

Yesterday is history
Tomorrow is a mystery
Today is a gift

That's how I want to live 2011.

Happy New Year Blog World!

 

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Fun & Not Fun

In a Nutshell (since my last post)...

• I had a birthday.  33 feels just fine so far.
• Christmasses  (that's not a typo,)t's the new word for the never-ending celebrations of food and presents...what?  you haven't heard of it?  yeah, me either.
• We have entered the world of (red) Wii and Netflix.  Both are fairly amazing.  Oh, and Just Dance...which I remain undefeated in so far ;)
• Days before Christmas we found out that Noah's good buddy Tate's cancer has returned, and this time there is not much that can be done.  It's devastating, I don't know how else to say it.  Please pray for Tate, as he's in a lot of pain, and for his family...because how do you prepare to say goodbye to your child?  Devastating.
• 
  

Noah and Tate

• Thanks for your prayers bloggy friends.

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Cute&Cheap

I've been wearing a pair of boots lately that I keep getting a ton of compliments on.  I bought them like a year and a half ago, but haven't worn them a lot until now.  I have no idea why I waited so long, I love them.


Anyways, the conversations usually goes like this:


Them:  "Hey, those boots are super cute!"


Me:  "I know!  They were super cheap!"


Them:  "You wouldn't even need to tell me that, I would never have guessed!"


Silly people.  Don't they know that I get a way bigger kick out of telling them what a great deal they were than I ever would by letting them think they were expensive!?!  Seriously.


So, as you know, Dave Ramsey has me on a strict budget plan, so new boots are out of my clothing budget right now.  But, I just so happened to visit the website, Go Jane where I ordered my cute boots from, and guess what?!?  They have cute boots starting at $13.  


I know.  Madness.  I had to share with you.  


  
You are welcome.

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Winner and Terrible Song

We have a winner!  Gretchen @ Lifenut...it. is. YOU!  (email me your address:)


I'm a little giddy about this because she is one of my favorite bloggers.  I always leave Lifenut completely amused by her writing style.  And her.  And her family.  Well, you get the idea.  


And, in honor of her win, and this post that has kept me thinking of terrible Christmas songs all week long....I give you the Christmas song I desperately despise, with all my heart. And after my few years of working retail, back in my early 20's, (which was not when this song was new, by the way!)  I can honestly say I've heard it 1.2 million times.  


Enjoy.  *cough*  


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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8gmARGvPlI

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Friendship and a Giveaway...

There's nothing quite like a friend who has known you for forever.  There's something magical about going through significant stages of young life, together.   Preschool, grade school, awkward stages, puberty and junior high, high- school, community college... :)


I've made some really great friends as an adult, but there is something different...something I can't quite put my finger on,  about those relationships with people that have known me forever.  The history shared together really is priceless.  They've seen me at my best, and seen me at my worst.  Over the years, we get to see each other grow and mature...and it's really quite amazing when I think about it.


Today is my friend Shell's birthday.  She's one of those friends.  And her name really isn't Shell, it's Michelle...but sometime in college I started calling her Shell, and now for the life of me I CANNOT STOP.  It's like my pet name for her. ;)  


I give you us, at our senior prom.  (me on the left, Shell in the middle, ignore the girl on the right)  

Happy Birthday Shell!  You're still the amazing, beautiful girl you've always been.  Love you!

Oh wait, there's more...

In honor of Shell's Birthday, and Christmas Time Baking, and the fact that I've eaten through two bags...I'm doing a little give-away.

Of these:

Brachs Chocolate Stars

I have no idea why, but these things are a-maze-ing.  I've been talking about them on Facebook, for weeks. They are delish on their own, or, you can make these:

 

The recipe is on the back of the bag :)

To enter the giveaway, leave me a comment about friends, or chocolate, or your senior prom...whatever you feel the need to share  AND go over and visit my beautiful friend, Shell at Giblogger, and look at her beautiful family and wish her a Happy Birthday...but don't even bother asking her to dish secrets about me, because we decided long ago, in our tiny little apartment together that "what happens in the loft, stays in the loft."

The End.

Oh wait, not quite...the giveaway will end at midnight tonight...along with Shell's birthday.

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Today...

 My last post may have sounded a little more scrooge-like than I intended.  I do in fact like Christmas. :)  I would, however,  enjoy it even more, if it involved more days like today, and about 98% less materialism.  


But today, today was nice.  Really nice.

I'm working on our Christmas program for church, and addressing Christmas cards.  I love both.   I'm also on a strict diet...of cookies.  


It's the most wonderful time of the year.

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