I'm Done.

It seems to be the phrase I hear myself repeating lately.  I find myself throwing my arms in the air and saying...I'm Done.

As in...

• about 6:00 every night...I'm done.
• a bossy almost four year old...I'm done.
• a six year old that is using words he shouldn't...I'm done.
• little boys that do not listen when I speak...I'm done.
• the routine of school, bedtime, homework...I'm done.
• rain and cloudiness...I'm done.
• a house and vehicle that no matter how hard I try, just do not stay clean...I'm done.
• brothers whining and fighting...I'm done.

I don't actually get to be done.  

I don't even want to be done.  

But I do reach that point...daily...where circumstances push me to the limit of my patience.  Sometimes I just need to step back, put myself in time-out and be done for a few moments.  

My ipod has helped in the I'm Done department.  I can stick that baby on and listen to something positive (instead of my own self pity;)...and it works.  God works through it.

Here's what I love lately:

• Podcasts by Matt Chandler, Pastor of The Village Church.  It's free to subscribe to at itunes.  They make me laugh, cry, and have brought me to my knees in repentance.  Good stuff.
• Latest favorite song...which I didn't really like at first, and now love.  Go figure.   

It's amazing what a little change in perspective does.  

I think it's OK to have those I'm Done moments.    I don't know any mom who has not had those moments...daily.  We're human...whether we admit it or not.  I love those little boys of mine...but it doesn't mean they don't push me to the edge sometimes.  Mommahood is constant.  Whether you work full time or stay at home, you're always a momma.  You're always thinking about them, loving them, disciplining them, providing for them.  You can't shut it off.  

I can't think of anything harder...or better than it.  And I'm praying God's amazing hand of patience and gentleness over this momma as I prepare for a summer full- O- fun.  Because I'm gonna need it.  *wink*

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Significant

We had a new kind of Memorial Weekend this year. If you were reading this blog last May, you might remember the ginormous tornado that went through part of tiny town the day before Memorial day.


Last year we spent the day picking through what little remained of our friends home. I remember feeling like I was in the middle of a bad dream... that surely I'd wake up any moment and find everything back to the way it should be. Instead, I woke up to this.
This is our friends house today. They moved back in a week ago. It's beautiful and even better than before! I took this picture from here:
This is the cemetery that was leveled during the tornado (Ben is in the suit:) Headstones were knocked over and all the big pine trees...gone. Since last year, new trees have been planted and the cemetery restored. It was an experience I can't put into words...standing there this year, remembering those who've given their lives for our country, so that I have the freedoms that I enjoy, and at the same time take for granted...I am so thankful for their sacrifice and for the country that God has placed my family.

He is so faithful. Tiny town is being restored. Despite a tornado and massive flooding, this little town, that many view as insignificant is moving forward...growing stronger. Because God views it as significant. The lives of the people here are significant to Him. I am thankful for a God that doesn't need the high and mighty, but shows Himself powerful through the seemingly insignificant.

It's interesting how after we've talked about life-devastating events for so long we can talk about them with little emotional reaction. I see it all the time. People mention, in passing, circumstances that at the time rocked them to the core...disasters, loss of loved ones, betrayal, sickness.


During the trauma we can barely think of it without the pain overwhelming us. But as time goes on, and healing begins, we begin to talk about it as though we're now removed from it a little bit. Yet, when we allow ourselves to really go back there...really remember it, the emotions tend to come back.


Yesterday was a day to remember. And the emotions came back...but now, instead of just hurt and loss, there is hope and progress and healing.


Sometimes, we need to be completely weakened in order to become stronger. It's not how we like it to be done...but often it's true.


Today we are stronger.

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I'd Like You to Meet...

The boys and I took a little road trip yesterday.  We had someone very special to meet.  

  

Let me introduce you to my newest little nephew, Jack:

This sweet little guy belongs to Ben's youngest brother, Ethan and his wife Megan.  I spent most of the day reminding Jake of this...he keeps asking if Megan and Ethan will give Jack to us.  The phrase "FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME THEY ARE NOT GOING TO GIVE US BABY JACK"  seemed to fall on deaf ears.  Of course, someday when that sweet precious baby is almost four years old and asks them the SAME question over and over and OVER they may just send him our way ;)

Jack got to meet his cousins through the safety of the glass nursery window.  Smart move.  

Oh sweet little Jack...welcome to the world.  You've got two amazing parents and an extended family that rivals an army.  You are beyond loved, little one.  Can't wait to watch you grow...

In the blink of an eye you'll be as big as these guys...and you'll probably look like them too ;)

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So Different...

Since I'm on a running kick and all...

Yesterday Noah and Eli had a little cross country race at school. Their PE teacher does an amazing job of lining up sponsors so the kids each get t-shirts, race numbers and medals. It's a hoot.

Noah and Eli each had to run a 1/2 mile.

Noah (my first grader) is pretty competitive. He's all business. My high school cross country and track coach would tell you that he does not get that quality from me.

He finished 3rd in his grade

After I snapped his picture at the finish line he was already evaluating his run...wishing he'd started out harder in order to catch his good friend Deacon, who got first place. All business.

And then there's Eli...notice the form...and tongue hanging out...

The first time I spotted him during his race he was already walking...and talking. :) When I yelled his name his face lit up with his big smile and he started running again.

At the finish line his first concern was where the water and snacks were...that, my high school coach would tell you he definitely got from his mama ;)

So proud of both those little guys, because they both accomplished what they set out to do. I have a feeling it'll be one of those stories I tell over and over (and over) to my grand-kids someday while they stare at me with blank expressions because they've heard the story 1,000 times before...and likely 5 minutes ago as well...because we all know what my memory is like already. I'm just sayin'.

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Hurts So Good...Again.

Saturday morning I woke up and it was 39 degrees outside and very windy. Called Billie and for two minutes we both tried to come up with a really good reason to get out of our long run.  We had some doozies, but in the end knew we needed to, as Nike used to say, Just Do It.

On the schedule:  Seven Miles.  SEVEN.

We headed to the trails in bigger city.  During miles 1,2, and 3 I spent my time hoping I might twist my ankle or something so that I'd have an excuse to stop, turn around and go home.  No such luck.

By about mile 4 I felt pretty good...over half way there.

Miles 6-7 felt a little bit euphoric...I can't quite describe it.  But it was good :)  Billie and I were so excited to not only have completed are longest run yet, but that it actually felt good at the end.

Now, I realize 99% of the people that read this blog probably don't give a rip about  these details...and that's ok.    But for me, these are not just details, they're break-throughs!  Physically,spiritually, and emotionally.

I picked up this book on Saturday.  Several people I know in real life have used this plan to run a marathon.  I have no marathon plans....yet...but the book deals a lot with the mental aspects of running, which I completely need for this 1/2 mary.   AND, for each mental limit I've placed on myself physically, I find one that I've also placed on myself spiritually.  

Here's to changing the way I think and allowing God to do what I've said is impossible.  He gets the glory for all of it...every little bit.

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Ummm...

It's Friday, which means I survived the busy week.  In honor of that, let's get random with some bullet points.

• I read several different blog posts this week (and if I could remember where they were I'd link to them) with the theme "It's not about me" and they hit home...hard.
• I watched American Idol this week.  I didn't even know who Kris Allen was...until his 2nd song called Heartless that he did with acoustic guitar, AMAZING!  I downloaded it from itunes...but it's the studio version and not as good as the live one...c'mon AI get your act together and get the live version on there!  
• Ran 5 miles last night and felt pretty good.  Saturday morning is seven.  I'm kinda looking forward to it, who woulda thought?!?!  
• Eight years ago today I was about 24 hours out from giving birth for the first time.  I'm thankful that I didn't know ahead of time what that birth story was gonna look like :)   I stopped today though and thought...if I could give birth naturally to my first born who was  almost 10 pounds I can MOST CERTAINLY run 13.1 miles...good grief! ;)
• My sister-in-law Megan's due date is TODAY!  No baby yet though...Noah's praying it comes tomorrow on his birthday...and that it's a boy, but he doesn't want it to be bigger than him, because everythings a competition to a boy.  I assured him aunt Megan doesn't want it bigger than him either.  Can't wait to get that call!
• Working on the last chapter of the Beth Moore study Living Beyond Yourself...it's on self-control.  I've been waiting for this one.  Anticipating and dreading all at the same time.  Need me some of that self-control.
• I've eaten an ungodly amount of sugar this week.  I'd list it out for you, but you'd likely gag and gain 5 pounds simultaneously...just from reading it.  It's that bad.  I've also been in a pretty wretchedly crabby mood most of the week...I think the two may be related.  Time to cut back on the stuff...I'll replace it with more caffeine ;)  Kidding...a little.
• Go here to see Julie in her cute native Norwegian outfit that they wear on their national day.  Eleven weeks and she'll be here!  77 days...or something like that.  I hope she's ready for life in the parsonage ;)
• Happy Weekend Folks!  (because we say that sorta thing 'round here :)

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Because I'm Like 15...

Yesterday I "lunched" with friends. Makes me sound fancy, doesn't it? It involved 4 friends, a 2 and 3 year old and Mexican food....faaaaaancy ;)

Anyways, I returned home and did my usual routine of immediately going to the computer to

1. Check to see if there's any new emails from Julie...they're my favorite.


2. Check to see if there's any new comments on my current post


3. Facebook


4. New posts by bloggy friends

I'm a creature of habit, what can I say...

Before I could get to step 1 though, I saw a little orange note (referring to this post) stuck to my desk next to the computer (because I'm old school and I prefer a desk AND a big ginormous personal computer...the laptop annoys me...for now)

Pretty sweet, I know. And, I can totally read between the lines...he's gonna steal this for sermon fodder...because we all know, when you're married to a pastor (or a blogger) some stuff is just fair game. ;)

Oh, and since I'm like, what, 15 inside? I have a song about yesterday's post :) Oh yes I do. You can thank me later. *cough*

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