Hurts So Good...Again.

Saturday morning I woke up and it was 39 degrees outside and very windy. Called Billie and for two minutes we both tried to come up with a really good reason to get out of our long run.  We had some doozies, but in the end knew we needed to, as Nike used to say, Just Do It.

On the schedule:  Seven Miles.  SEVEN.

We headed to the trails in bigger city.  During miles 1,2, and 3 I spent my time hoping I might twist my ankle or something so that I'd have an excuse to stop, turn around and go home.  No such luck.

By about mile 4 I felt pretty good...over half way there.

Miles 6-7 felt a little bit euphoric...I can't quite describe it.  But it was good :)  Billie and I were so excited to not only have completed are longest run yet, but that it actually felt good at the end.

Now, I realize 99% of the people that read this blog probably don't give a rip about  these details...and that's ok.    But for me, these are not just details, they're break-throughs!  Physically,spiritually, and emotionally.

I picked up this book on Saturday.  Several people I know in real life have used this plan to run a marathon.  I have no marathon plans....yet...but the book deals a lot with the mental aspects of running, which I completely need for this 1/2 mary.   AND, for each mental limit I've placed on myself physically, I find one that I've also placed on myself spiritually.  

Here's to changing the way I think and allowing God to do what I've said is impossible.  He gets the glory for all of it...every little bit.

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Ummm...

It's Friday, which means I survived the busy week.  In honor of that, let's get random with some bullet points.

• I read several different blog posts this week (and if I could remember where they were I'd link to them) with the theme "It's not about me" and they hit home...hard.
• I watched American Idol this week.  I didn't even know who Kris Allen was...until his 2nd song called Heartless that he did with acoustic guitar, AMAZING!  I downloaded it from itunes...but it's the studio version and not as good as the live one...c'mon AI get your act together and get the live version on there!  
• Ran 5 miles last night and felt pretty good.  Saturday morning is seven.  I'm kinda looking forward to it, who woulda thought?!?!  
• Eight years ago today I was about 24 hours out from giving birth for the first time.  I'm thankful that I didn't know ahead of time what that birth story was gonna look like :)   I stopped today though and thought...if I could give birth naturally to my first born who was  almost 10 pounds I can MOST CERTAINLY run 13.1 miles...good grief! ;)
• My sister-in-law Megan's due date is TODAY!  No baby yet though...Noah's praying it comes tomorrow on his birthday...and that it's a boy, but he doesn't want it to be bigger than him, because everythings a competition to a boy.  I assured him aunt Megan doesn't want it bigger than him either.  Can't wait to get that call!
• Working on the last chapter of the Beth Moore study Living Beyond Yourself...it's on self-control.  I've been waiting for this one.  Anticipating and dreading all at the same time.  Need me some of that self-control.
• I've eaten an ungodly amount of sugar this week.  I'd list it out for you, but you'd likely gag and gain 5 pounds simultaneously...just from reading it.  It's that bad.  I've also been in a pretty wretchedly crabby mood most of the week...I think the two may be related.  Time to cut back on the stuff...I'll replace it with more caffeine ;)  Kidding...a little.
• Go here to see Julie in her cute native Norwegian outfit that they wear on their national day.  Eleven weeks and she'll be here!  77 days...or something like that.  I hope she's ready for life in the parsonage ;)
• Happy Weekend Folks!  (because we say that sorta thing 'round here :)

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Because I'm Like 15...

Yesterday I "lunched" with friends. Makes me sound fancy, doesn't it? It involved 4 friends, a 2 and 3 year old and Mexican food....faaaaaancy ;)

Anyways, I returned home and did my usual routine of immediately going to the computer to

1. Check to see if there's any new emails from Julie...they're my favorite.


2. Check to see if there's any new comments on my current post


3. Facebook


4. New posts by bloggy friends

I'm a creature of habit, what can I say...

Before I could get to step 1 though, I saw a little orange note (referring to this post) stuck to my desk next to the computer (because I'm old school and I prefer a desk AND a big ginormous personal computer...the laptop annoys me...for now)

Pretty sweet, I know. And, I can totally read between the lines...he's gonna steal this for sermon fodder...because we all know, when you're married to a pastor (or a blogger) some stuff is just fair game. ;)

Oh, and since I'm like, what, 15 inside? I have a song about yesterday's post :) Oh yes I do. You can thank me later. *cough*

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Doubt

It's weird how one moment I can feel certain, convinced, hopeful and in the next moment I am uncertain, unconvinced, doubtful with a little fear thrown in to top it all off.

Last night I hopped on the treadmill...finally.  Mondays are short easy runs on our training schedule.  Billie and I decided we'd go it alone on Mondays rather than waking at 5 AM.  I, of course, put off the running till around 9 PM last night because I am an exceptional procrastinator.

It felt like a long two miles.  I didn't like it.  And then my thought process went from "I want to run, it makes me feel good, need to stick to the training program, I can do this, God wants me to do this."  to...

"Running is the dumbest thing ever, why do I do this again, this hurts, this is boring, what was the point of a 1/2 mary again?  Why bother?  WHY?!?!"

And then I caught myself...

One of those moments where I have that outer body experience, as if I'm watching myself having the above thought process.   The moment where I realize what my thought process has turned into.  The moment I replace whatever is going through my head with truth.

The truth is:

• Sometimes it's gonna hurt more than others.  I need to push through it and stop repeating the process of quitting when it just gets too tough.
• It's not just about running.  It's about discipline.  It's about sacrifice.  It's about commitment.  It's about finishing the goal that He has set before me.  
• It's about allowing Him to complete a work in me that seems nearly impossible.
• He has given me a body that is capable of running...it is a gift.  
• I am not allowed to quit on this one.
• it doesn't matter if I like it all the time.

I've said it a million times before, but the first 1/2 mile of any run is killer for me.  Hate it.  Actually, the first couple are rather painful.  It took me a long, long time to consistently run past that 2 mile point.  Because no matter what those experienced runners told me about it getting easier, about getting into a rhythm...I didn't believe them.  I believed it was different for me.  I believed that it hurt right now, which meant it was going to hurt EVEN WORSE later.  So I would run to the point of pain and quit.

I could throw in a breast-feeding analogy here, but I'll save that analogy for another time ;)

Back to my previous thought...running to the point of pain and never through it just made me MISERABLE.  And it kept me believing my own lie.  

Sometimes I do the same thing in real life.

Through training, the 1/2 mary will be physically possible...whether I really believe it right now is not the point.  It doesn't change the truth.  I need to follow the plan set before me, even when I don't feel like it...even when it's thoroughly painful and not any fun at all...because the goal...when I finish that impossible race, I will have conquered more than 13.1 miles.

I am learning a painful lesson.  Physically and spiritually it is about sticking to the plan, moving forward, adding more to what seems impossible...because I can do all things through Christ, who gives me strength (Philippians 4:13)

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The Post Following a Holiday...

May is insane.

Insanely busy.

But still fun...in a don't-blink-or-you'll-miss-it kinda way.

Let's recap for a moment.

Friday night was a Mother/Daughter Tea for our church ladies...or as I like to call it Diet Coke and French Silk Pie...

Ben's Grandma, Ben's Mom, Me, My mom

Saturday was Run Like a Mother race day...

I'm not sure any race should be THAT much fun!

This was my friend Kim's first Run Like a Mother...YAY Kim!

Billie and I post race...she refuels with water...I refuel with coffee.

Sunday...Mother's Day...

Does it look like I'm holding them there, making them stand by me? Because I totally am.

Jasmine (little brother Jay's girlfriend), Mom, Me, Grandma

(note to self: next time you wear that dress, stick a belt over it in order to NOT look 6 months pregnant...sheeesh.)

Mom, Brother Ryan, and me...hugging...which is funny, because I'm not really a hugger...I'll save that for another post...

Hope you all had a fantastic weekend...I'm off to launder now ;)

PS - I'm really REALLY resisting the urge to let you know that brother Ryan is single and 23 and one of the greatest young guys you'll ever meet...although he does ride a motorcycle that goes too fast and causes me to worry for his safety. Did I mention he fixes my computer when it's slow too?!?

Sure glad I resisted...

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Emptying My Head...

It's been one of those weeks where there is something going on every day/night.  That pretty much sums up the month of May around here.

I have learned a thing or two this week though:

Monday:  Noah and Eli had a Spring Music Concert for school.  Jake was still not feeling great, but this could not be missed...so like any good mother I hauled him along and spread the germs around some more *sorry to the peeps of tiny town*  Anyways, I had an idea that turned out to be GENIUS.  Can I say that without sounding arrogant?  ;)    I downloaded an episode of Spongebob and Fragel Rock on my ipod and brought along the the headphones...it completely entertained him!  

Do you think it would be inappropriate to take it to church on Sundays in order to keep him quiet?  I'm kidding...KIDDING...sort of ;)

Last night was our final night of Kids Bible Club for the school year.  It was really a fantastic year...and it will be a fantastic break this summer too :)  It was supposed to start at 7 Pm.  I had about 10 kids here by 6:15 PM...they were a little bit excited.  We cooked up 100 hot dogs for the occasion...they ate them ALL.  Yeah.  There were somewhere between 40-50 kiddos...no one could get a good head count because they were constantly moving.  It was overwhelming (in a good way) to listen to them sing in worship to God.  This is our third year of Bible Club, never did I imagine it would become what it is, and I look forward to what God has planned for it in the future.  He reveals the details to me  on a need to know basis :)

Friday night is a mother/daughter thing at a cute little tea room.  It involves dessert...and coffee.   Need I say more.

Saturday is a 4 mile race...remember this?  It's a fun one.  Never mind that I haven't run yet this week because of sickness...oh well.  Gonna try to get a run in tonight after a community meeting where they value my opinion.  Ha.  

Did I mention I ran SIX miles last Saturday WITHOUT WALKING.  I know.  I KNOW!  That's the longest I've ever run at one time...and it felt good...and bad...like that song Hurts So Good :)

Billie and I were beyond excited with ourselves.  The idea of running 7 more miles on top of that for a 1/2 mary sounds nearly impossible, but we've got all summer yet to train...we'll get there...or die trying.  

And that there is enough blabbing for one post...until tomorrow my friends...

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Got Me Thinking...

I've been thinking a little lately about Pastor's wives.  As you already know, I sometimes find things funny that normal people would not think are funny.

Here's what I think is funny (and I will proceed to explain it to you in a way that butchers it and makes it un-funny...what can I say, it's a gift I have)...

So, in every church I've been a part of, the Pastor's wife is usually called upon to give devotionals at the "ladies get-togethers"  Oh you know what I'm talking about, bridal showers, baby showers, mother/daughter teas,  camp retreats etc.   Sometimes it's the pastor's wife of the actual church represented, or other times it's one from a neighboring church (of the same denomination of course *cough*)

I have a theory:  I think there are two lists that are out there regarding speaking engagements.  Because, somehow, becoming a pastors wife automatically qualifies you to give devotionals.  And when you do become a pastor's wife they put your name on one of the two lists.  They are as follows:

1. The Pastor's wife who is wise, soft spoken, experienced, well spoken, all around not going to say something crazy, well known by other churches because she faithfully attends all local, regional and state meetings. Her resume is good. 
2. The Pastor's wife who, although very sweet, is a tad unpredictable.   She hides out from many of the "meetings" hoping to  forever remain the "new girl" that no one in the association knows by name.   Her resume is a little "iffy" ...and she sometimes finds things funny that are not meant to be funny ;)

Guess which list I'm on?  *smile*  The truth is, no one put me on a list, I choose which list.

Neither list is right or wrong, they're both good...just different.  Different according to what God has called us to.  I like list 2.  For me, it's freedom...freedom to be who I am in Christ.  For those on list 1, it's freedom too, because it's what they're called to. Different but the same.  Make sense?

As women, we're called to different things in different seasons of our lives.  Let's be comfortable in what He's called us to, and let's encourage those who are called to something different than us.

I received an email recently that challenged me to really dig into what it means, as a woman, to intimately know Christ.  I came across this passage by T.D. Jakes in the book The Lady, Her Lover, and Her Lord...He says, 

 "Once a woman understands that Christ is her goal, she seems able to focus on Him, allure Him, and entertain Him with a level of praise that is so engrossing that she is healed by His touch and fulfilled by His Word.  I have seen women who were so impacted by His invisible presence that they were able to walk away from the presence of others who were far more tangible, but far less effective."

That's what I want.  That's the place I'm called to be.  Good stuff.

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