Becoming a pastor was always an option for Ben. It was that, or a veterinarian. I thought the veterinarian option was a good choice, after all, he could still serve in a church...and I could be a normal wife. Deep down, I knew that if God called him to ministry that it meant He called me too. I was positive Ben would make a great pastor, and I was also positive that I had a good chance of ruining it for him...just by being myself.
Looking back, I think I was right. Left to myself, I would totally ruin it.
What I didn't foresee all those years ago, was that God would take me...my personality, my quirks...and He would tweak them to make them useful in ministry. I am talking about a lot of tweaking.
I could be honest without being harsh. Speak truth, covered in love. Be real without jeopardizing privacy. Love a tiny town. Have a burden for people I don't even know. The list goes on and on...all stuff that I never thought possible, because I never considered the fact that if this is what He called me to, then He would go above and beyond equipping me. He knows my faults and weaknesses better than me, of course He knew what He was getting into!
Here's the questions...
What's been the biggest struggle so far as a pastor's wife? Oddly enough my biggest struggle has always been this. Becoming a pastor's wife didn't fix it or magically make it easier, if anything it made it blatantly more obvious to me how absolutely essential it is for me to be in His word. Without it I have no hope of making a positive difference in anyone's life, especially those in my church.How do you stay connected to women in your church? It's important to me that the women in our church know me. If I'm not sharing my heart with them, then they're likely to make assumptions on my motives and actions. If I can share with them my struggles and my hopes and they can see that I want God to use me and to change me, I think it makes it easier for them to be gracious and give me the benefit of the doubt. For me, I need them to know that I am one of them. I have the same struggles and issues that each of them have.
On the flip side of that, I do sort of have my own personal "hedge" of protection regarding close friendships with ladies in my church. Many of these girlies in my church are wonderful friends of mine and we can share the day to day stuff of life. They are trustworthy friends, however, for their protection and mine I choose to have my closest confidants be outside of our congregation. This way neither of us is put into a position that is going to become complicated. This is a hedge we placed before even beginning our ministry here.
If I could go back, 10 years ago to when Ben started seminary I'd tell myself this...
- I know you don't feel like you fit the "mold" of a pastor's wife. You're not the only one...turns out there's a lot like you.
- Be friendlier. Your first church is gonna be in a tiny town and God's gonna change you into a person that learns to reach out to people first, and it turns out, it's not so bad and you're gonna wish you'd allowed Him to change you so much sooner.
- You're gonna come upon lots of situations that you feel completely inadequate to deal with. And frankly, your ARE inadequate to deal with them, don't be scared of that...it's in those times He will show Himself strongest.
- Just love people. Give them the benefit of the doubt. Take a good look at the condition of your own heart before you attempt to judge the actions or motives of anyone else. Remember the enormous amount of grace that's been offered to you, and extend that same grace.
- Smile... a lot. Admit your ignorance. Laugh...at everything. For real. Find the joy.
- Let Him show you who you are, don't tell Him who you think you are. You're gonna end up doing some ministries that you're pretty sure you don't wanna do...turns out you're wrong.
- You're gonna be blown away watching your husband shepherd a church. That 17 year old boy you fell in love with is gonna be a great pastor.
- and you're never gonna get used to people calling him pastor ;) and you're not gonna like being introduced at the pastor's wife, but you'll get over it...sort of ;)
- Don't believe every ones horror stories of parsonages and bad pastoring experiences. Their stories are probably true, but God is writing your story...go to Him for the details.
- Believe Him for big things.
Wow, welcome to my longest post ever ;) For those in ministry who might want to read more, you can click on the left side of my blog under the "ministry" label, I've written several things previously about my experience as a pastor's wife.
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