I Heart Her...

There is a certain woman in my life who God ordained from the beginning.

There is no doubt.

I was the daughter, of her teenage daughter.

My mom tells the story of how right before I was born, she shared with my Grandma the name she had picked out for me. And my Grandma, who must have already read my un-born mind, said something to the effect of "why don't you name her something normal, like...Sarah."

Amen, Grandma. Amen.

She is the same woman who introduced me to:

• The gift of black coffee...in Kindergarten. (perhaps I'll just blame her for my slight addiction now ;)
• The bedtime snack of butter on saltine crackers.
• The best home-made noodles...ever.
• "Cold Bread" which is what my boys call her home-made bread because we store it in the fridge...
• Goldilocks and the Three Bears
• Crocheting...that I learned to do left handed (like her)...even though I am not left handed...and let's face it, I could never really get past that one single strand (that she let me make 12 feet long and wrap around the Christmas tree:)

My childhood memories that involve her are infinite.

I love her smile. I love how she LOVES babies. Her quiet strength. Her example of self-sacrificing love. The way she loves with food. The toys she still has from when I was little. Her ability to can just about anything...tomatoes, beans, jams, chili...The way she loves my boys, and the way they love her.

I love the smell of her house...because it's her.

And for some time now...she hasn't been feeling so great.

A little thing called Congestive Heart Failure...at least we all like to think pretend it's little...but some doctor's appointments recently suggest otherwise.

Dang Doctor's and their reality checks...

This post is for her...Grandma, it's just a little bit of all the reasons I love you. I wish my writing abilities allowed me to more eloquently put it into words (we'll blame that on my dad's side *wink*) I have always known how proud of me you are...not because of anything I had done...but because of who I was, the person I was...the woman I am. I hope that you too, know that I feel the same way about you. I love being your grand-daughter. I love you.

I am praying for God's wisdom to be poured out on your doctors, and for the Ultimate Healer's hands to be upon you and most importantly, that you know and feel just how big His love for you is.

Now...I told my mom I was going to blog about Grandma, so my mom passed along the information to her...to which Grandma said "She's gonna what?" *smile*

Time to introduce Grandma to the blog world...which means I will print this off for her to read...so, if all my lovely friends (which by the way, is all of you) would leave me a comment and let my Grandma know you'll be lifting her before His throne, I would be ever so thankful AND I'll be able to show her that I do have some friends...even if you are all imaginary *wink*

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I'm Usually In the Way...

The Lord is pushing me out of my comfort zone on something.

Way WAY out of my comfort zone...so far so that when I turn around and look back I can't even find my beloved comfort zone.

But...I'm gonna trust Him...and try not to get in the way.

And there's the problem...me...my way.

I want it to be His way...whatever that may be.

So I'm letting go.

And that is a little scary :)

That's all I can share for now...but if God's shoving you out of your comfort zone, I'd be happy to know I'm in good company ;)

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There's No Denying It...

I remember being pregnant with my first child (Noah) and dreaming of who he would look like. Then with my 2nd baby (Eli) I wondered if he'd look like Noah...the answer to that was no. Then with Jake I wondered if the baby would look like one of his brothers, or totally different. Turns out, he looks a little like both of them.

Here's a pic of all three (as if you haven't seen them before ;)

The general reaction though, when people see Eli (middle), is "You look like your daddy!"

Yeah, yeah, yeah, he looks like his daddy is generally the reaction in my head :) I think it's adorable that my boys look like their daddy...after all, I happen to think he's quite handsome BUT I did carry each of them for 9 months...puked my guts out the first couple with each baby...gained and lost an enormous amount of weight each time...and managed to push each one out (with the help of an epidural of course.) JUST ONCE it might be nice to hear..."Man, that one really looks like you!"

That doesn't happen.

On Tuesday, Ben's mom sent home these two pictures of Ben when he was a little boy.

And here's Eli (holding his cousin):

And when I saw the pictures, I said "Eli, you look just like daddy!" Go figure ;)

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I Am Everyday People

Again today...nothing.

Oh I do have one thing...that's actually quite interesting and meaningful, but you'll have to wait for Monday for that one. I know, I know, you're wondering how on earth you'll make it through the weekend with all the pent up anticipation *insert tongue in cheek*

Points of interest or just points...

• Jake and I ran to Target this morning because I needed some cold medicine and some Kleenex with vicks (at the recommendation of this real life friend:) Oh sure, there's places closer than Target...but not with a Starbucks inside ;) I'm sick afterall... ;)


• Those Kleenex with Vicks...best invention ever (next to Starbucks and cooked bacon of course) They are fabulous. You can bet that by the end of this day EVERYONE I come into contact with with be made aware of how wonderful I think they are...cuz I'm annoying like that.


• This may sound weird (and all you runners out there can go ahead and back me up on this one) but when I have a head cold, running is about the only time it feels better! Weird, I know, but it seriously clears my head.


• Heee Haw tastes like Mt. Dew...well it's supposed to anyways.


• Jake and I grooved to this song over and over and over on the way to Target.(I found it on an old WOW CD in my van...I had no idea it was on there...who knew?!?) Go listen, (but not to the first 11 seconds of the video, cuz that's NOT the song...the real song starts at 12 seconds ;) it's a good happy Friday song.


• Hope ya'll have a fantastic weekend!

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I Could...

I can't come up with anything interesting today.

I tried.

I could tell you:

• that the upstairs of my home (where the bedrooms are) is a total disaster, and that even if I do laundry from this moment until midnight tonight it still would not be done.
• that I plan on staying in my jammies all day...after all, I'm cleaning, and running tonight...why get ready. Seriously.
• That I am so bursting at the seams with joy at what God is doing in our tiny church that I can't even blog about it...because the words I come up with don't convey it right. But I can say that we're starting to burst at the seams of our little church building, and have more than run out of classroom space, and I see people loving each other, ministering to one another and desiring to let God change them...it brings me to tears whenever I think about it...and humbles me that God has allowed us to be a part of it.
• I have a cold and a headache that makes me want to crawl back in bed for the day.
• I'm a wimp and a whiner when I have a cold ;)
• I may be more popular through this tiny little blog than I'm am in real life...My hubby (who's also "The FedEx Man") runs into people all the time that inform him they read his wife's blog...which totally makes me smile, and then immediately think about all the hodge-podge of stuff they now know about me ;)
• I wish I knew these people in real life...and I wish I knew how each person found out about the blog...because that there is GOOD stuff that Sitemeter can't quite help me with.
• tell you that I'm drinking this right now...

Yep...I live in Iowa and I drink generic pop called Hee Haw. HEE HAW. This completely and utterly amuses me...could I BE more of a hick?!? Don't answer that. This is one of those cases where I can make fun of it...because I'm from here, born, raised, and came back to live here...because it really truly is who I am :) It's like when you're a kid, and you can be as mean to your siblings as you want to...but no one else better think they can be mean to them ;)

• that I'm also eating this right now:Fully cooked bacon: best invention ever. No amount of running can possibly keep up with the effects of the amount of bacon I consume. I love you bacon.
• There you have it: The true diet of an Iowan. Hee Haw and bacon for breakfast.
• Oh I kid...I won't inflict my weirdness on the entire state...
• wrap this post up...

Happy Thursday...which means tomorrow is Friday...WOO HOO! I heart Fridays. (Also, I caught myself saying "I heart something" the other day, and let me just tell you...it sounds weird when you say it...WEIRD.

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More Than Enough...

For some strange reason the topic of getting old has been coming up in a lot of my conversations...

I have a few theories/preferences/weirdness issues when it comes to getting old and dieing.

Granted, I have a certain guarantee that death will eventually happen...oldness, not so much. I very well could die before ever reaching old age...but this does not stop my "planning my life out in my head" game.

You do that too, right? Tell God the order of things. I generally arrange "my order" of things in a way that I think will cause ME the least amount of pain and inconvenience. That's how unselfish I am.

Impressed, aren't you ;)

My random list:

• I'd like to live to be old...but not too old. I'd still like all my mental and physical capacities in order.
• I'd prefer not to die of something long, painful, and drawn out...but also not anything too quick, that way I can say good-bye.
• I'm totally ok with the idea of assisted living. Heck, I'll probably be 65 and trying to get them to let me in! (But I want Ben and I to go to one with friends, of course ;) But nursing homes...not so much. No thanks.
• If Ben dies before me (which he can't because in my plans, I die first, thus not having to live without him) BUT if he does die first...I'm not remarrying. I'm moving to the pasture by his parents and building a house in it...the cows can eat the grass/yard and I won't have to mow.
• I told him to tell me he's never going to remarry ;) Oh sure...he can if he wants to, but while I'm alive, we'll just say he's not going to.
• Preferably, we both die at the same time...like in the movie "the notebook"...except I could live without the whole Alzheimer's thing.
• I want a closed casket at my funeral. If there's people that feel the need to look, by all means, take a peek...but otherwise...no thanks.
• No singing of How Great Thou Art. I know, it is a really beautiful song...but it's been sung at all sorts of funerals I've gone too, and it creeps me out a little.
• The list goes on and on...for real.

Oh I joke.

I make light of serious stuff.

It's a coping mechanism...and it doesn't for one second change or influence what God has planned.

Someday, I will lose ones that, as of right now, I don't believe I could live on this earth without.

My whole life I've watched it happen to people close to me. Losing grandparents, moms to cancer, a father hit by a falling tree, suicides, a husband in a tragic car accident, teenagers in car accidents, miscarriages, a beautiful sleeping baby...the list goes on.

None of those people had that in "their plans." Each have suffered, and walked down a path they did not choose on their own.

Every time I can't help but stand by and watch in awe as they carry on with life...living through the pain.

And I often wonder...when is my turn? Life is life...one can only go for so long before personally affected by loss.

When I think about it...I mean really think about it, I realize that the fear of it could become all-consuming...

But it isn't. I know pain and loss and suffering will come...someday. But I have the comfort and peace of knowing no matter what may come, He is with me. On my own, it's certainly stuff I could not handle, but with Him...I will.

I will also have those who have walked down the road before me, living through it, sharing and knowing the journey. And that too, conquers fear.

For those of you who are living through it right now, my heart is with you. It hurts for you...and hopes for you. And most of all, it's thankful that you are not alone...and that Jesus is big enough to fill even the deepest and widest caverns of pain.

More than enough.

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Please Don't Make Me Regret This :)

Have I ever mentioned I don't particularly care for confrontation?

I don't.

It's part of the reason that this particular post has been started and deleted and started and deleted again.

I don't want to make anyone mad. And I especially don't want any mean comments :)

Or a blog riot involving lovely Christian ladies :)

So...I'm going to keep it kind of vague while trying to share my heart...

I've been reading a book...a really really HIGHLY recommended book. One that some had posted on, sharing how it had made them view God in a new or fresh way. This, of course appealed to me!

When it finally came in the mail from Amazon, I couldn't wait to get home, snuggle in and begin.

But my experience with the book has not produced the same reaction as my bloggy friends...which has caused my mind to keep churning and churning.

I am speaking purely for myself here...but I think the reason that the story bothers me, is because it gives God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit a narrative voice. The "voice" comes from the author...not from God Himself. Much of the authors ideas are good, BUT...and this is a BIG BUT, it's still just a human authors words...we may wish Jesus had put it that way or really relate to it, but ultimately it's a human writer putting words in the mouth of...Jesus.

*Sigh* That, makes me uneasy.

If I want to see what God has to say, for Himself...I go to the Bible...He wrote it...He revealed Himself in there the way He desired...does His heart break that I feel the need to search Him out in a new way in some human authors book, rather than His own?

I love books that help me understand God...that explain His Word to me...but putting words in Jesus' mouth, it just doesn't settle well with me.

It's not that I want to keep God in a box...by all means, I want Him to show me where I am limiting Him, where my understanding is small...it's just that I want that knowledge to come from His written words...not the ideas of any human man.

I may be the only person on this planet who doesn't love this book.

*I totally understand that the other millions of people who've read this book totally and utterly disagree with me...I'm cool with that, and if God is changing you through this book, I say amen! You don't have to convince me of it...I already believe you...just sharing "my version"...since it's my blog and all...so be ye kind in the comment love ;)*

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