More Than Enough...

For some strange reason the topic of getting old has been coming up in a lot of my conversations...

I have a few theories/preferences/weirdness issues when it comes to getting old and dieing.

Granted, I have a certain guarantee that death will eventually happen...oldness, not so much. I very well could die before ever reaching old age...but this does not stop my "planning my life out in my head" game.

You do that too, right? Tell God the order of things. I generally arrange "my order" of things in a way that I think will cause ME the least amount of pain and inconvenience. That's how unselfish I am.

Impressed, aren't you ;)

My random list:

• I'd like to live to be old...but not too old. I'd still like all my mental and physical capacities in order.
• I'd prefer not to die of something long, painful, and drawn out...but also not anything too quick, that way I can say good-bye.
• I'm totally ok with the idea of assisted living. Heck, I'll probably be 65 and trying to get them to let me in! (But I want Ben and I to go to one with friends, of course ;) But nursing homes...not so much. No thanks.
• If Ben dies before me (which he can't because in my plans, I die first, thus not having to live without him) BUT if he does die first...I'm not remarrying. I'm moving to the pasture by his parents and building a house in it...the cows can eat the grass/yard and I won't have to mow.
• I told him to tell me he's never going to remarry ;) Oh sure...he can if he wants to, but while I'm alive, we'll just say he's not going to.
• Preferably, we both die at the same time...like in the movie "the notebook"...except I could live without the whole Alzheimer's thing.
• I want a closed casket at my funeral. If there's people that feel the need to look, by all means, take a peek...but otherwise...no thanks.
• No singing of How Great Thou Art. I know, it is a really beautiful song...but it's been sung at all sorts of funerals I've gone too, and it creeps me out a little.
• The list goes on and on...for real.

Oh I joke.

I make light of serious stuff.

It's a coping mechanism...and it doesn't for one second change or influence what God has planned.

Someday, I will lose ones that, as of right now, I don't believe I could live on this earth without.

My whole life I've watched it happen to people close to me. Losing grandparents, moms to cancer, a father hit by a falling tree, suicides, a husband in a tragic car accident, teenagers in car accidents, miscarriages, a beautiful sleeping baby...the list goes on.

None of those people had that in "their plans." Each have suffered, and walked down a path they did not choose on their own.

Every time I can't help but stand by and watch in awe as they carry on with life...living through the pain.

And I often wonder...when is my turn? Life is life...one can only go for so long before personally affected by loss.

When I think about it...I mean really think about it, I realize that the fear of it could become all-consuming...

But it isn't. I know pain and loss and suffering will come...someday. But I have the comfort and peace of knowing no matter what may come, He is with me. On my own, it's certainly stuff I could not handle, but with Him...I will.

I will also have those who have walked down the road before me, living through it, sharing and knowing the journey. And that too, conquers fear.

For those of you who are living through it right now, my heart is with you. It hurts for you...and hopes for you. And most of all, it's thankful that you are not alone...and that Jesus is big enough to fill even the deepest and widest caverns of pain.

More than enough.

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Please Don't Make Me Regret This :)

Have I ever mentioned I don't particularly care for confrontation?

I don't.

It's part of the reason that this particular post has been started and deleted and started and deleted again.

I don't want to make anyone mad. And I especially don't want any mean comments :)

Or a blog riot involving lovely Christian ladies :)

So...I'm going to keep it kind of vague while trying to share my heart...

I've been reading a book...a really really HIGHLY recommended book. One that some had posted on, sharing how it had made them view God in a new or fresh way. This, of course appealed to me!

When it finally came in the mail from Amazon, I couldn't wait to get home, snuggle in and begin.

But my experience with the book has not produced the same reaction as my bloggy friends...which has caused my mind to keep churning and churning.

I am speaking purely for myself here...but I think the reason that the story bothers me, is because it gives God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit a narrative voice. The "voice" comes from the author...not from God Himself. Much of the authors ideas are good, BUT...and this is a BIG BUT, it's still just a human authors words...we may wish Jesus had put it that way or really relate to it, but ultimately it's a human writer putting words in the mouth of...Jesus.

*Sigh* That, makes me uneasy.

If I want to see what God has to say, for Himself...I go to the Bible...He wrote it...He revealed Himself in there the way He desired...does His heart break that I feel the need to search Him out in a new way in some human authors book, rather than His own?

I love books that help me understand God...that explain His Word to me...but putting words in Jesus' mouth, it just doesn't settle well with me.

It's not that I want to keep God in a box...by all means, I want Him to show me where I am limiting Him, where my understanding is small...it's just that I want that knowledge to come from His written words...not the ideas of any human man.

I may be the only person on this planet who doesn't love this book.

*I totally understand that the other millions of people who've read this book totally and utterly disagree with me...I'm cool with that, and if God is changing you through this book, I say amen! You don't have to convince me of it...I already believe you...just sharing "my version"...since it's my blog and all...so be ye kind in the comment love ;)*

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Traumatizing

The day is fast approaching. The day of the visual post...where you get to see and hear what I sound like in real life.

Three words.

Traum-a-tizing

OK...it's one word...I exaggerate slightly.

I did a practice one, viewed it, and then taped a second one with my reaction...ya know, for dramatic effect.

Every time I view it I have the same thoughts...

• Thank you Lord that I do not have to see myself when I talk
• and that I sound different in my own head
• and that people in real life actually like me.

It's sure to entertain you...and further traumatize me.

Feel like joining in on the fun? Click on the little thingy and join in on the 30th!

And please, PLEASE try to make yourself sound annoying...because it will make me feel better about myself.

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I Can't Help Myself...

It's been six months since I wrote this post. (when all but 5 of you were not reading)

Guess what I did on Saturday? C'mon guess.

Yep...I cut bangs...again. *sheepish grin*

But, GOOD NEWS! I like them this time. For now anyways.

I decided I needed to have a heavier fringe (that's bang term I learned in the countless magazines I flipped through)...

I also colored it...the exact same color it already is, but with dimension. And dimension is code for: no one else will even be able to tell a difference...not even me, even though I will try to convince myself I can.

Apparently there's something in the air here, because I also feel the need to re-paint and re-arrange everything in my house.

Weird.

How 'bout you...what's changing out their bloggy friends?

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One Answer...

I've been avoiding the news for quite some time now. I'm annoyed with all the "analyzing" of candidates.


I heart politics. I do. But I do not like debating about it.


My minds made up. Morally, ethically, socially, economically, I fall on a certain side...BUT, do I think my party is "the answer"...absolutely not.


I think both parties fail...miserably. I pick one, I pick a side because it's America, it's how it works.


I think there is one answer. And he is Jesus.


Makes me think of a song :)


My favorite part (I've highlighted in the fab color of orange) is a spoken part of the song..and it is RIGHT ON.


You can listen here. Enjoy.

Lyrics:

What this world needs

Is not another one hit wonder with an axe to grind,

Another two bit politician peddlin` lies,

Another three ring circus society.



What this world needs Is not another sign wavin` super saint that's better than you,

Another ear pleasin` candy man afraid of the truth,

Another prophet in an Armani suit.



What this world needs

Is a Savior who will rescue,

A Spirit who will lead,

A Father who will love them in their time of need.



A Savior who will rescue,

A Spirit who will lead,

A Father who will love,

That's what this world needs.



What this world needs

Is for us to care more about the inside than the outside.

Have we become so blind that we can't see?

God's gotta change her heart before He changes her shirt.



What this world needs

Is for us to stop hiding behind our relevance.

Blendin` in so well that people can't see the difference

And it's the difference that sets the world free.



What this world needs

Is a Savior who will rescue,

A Spirit who will lead,

A Father who will love them in their time of need.

That's what this world needs.



(Spoken)

People aren't confused by the gospel,

They're confused by us.

Jesus is the only way to God,

But we are not the only way to Jesus.

This world doesn't need

My tie, my hoodie,

My denomination, or my translation of the Bible,

They just need Jesus.

We can be passionate about what we believe,

But we can't strap ourselves to the gospel.

Because we're slowing it down

Jesus is going to save the world,

But maybe the best thing we can do

Is just get out of the way.

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My Life...

Do you ever have one of those moments where you feel like you're looking at your life as an outsider...like you're looking in, watching it?

I do. All the time.

And I always think..."Oh. My. Word."

One of those moments occurred just yesterday.

The inside of my mini-van was disgustingly dirty...and I am not exaggerating. I will spare you the details. So I drove to the car wash, went through the automatic section washed the van, scraped vacuumed it out, and then proceeded to wipe the interior down with...baby wipes. BABY WIPES. And ya know what...it worked quite well, I highly recommend it.

And midway through, I thought to myself..."If they could see me now..."


Oh, but it gets better.


After that ordeal I decided to pull the van into the wash bays where people, who are not as lazy as myself, actually wash their own vehicles...by hand.


I decided that the only thing that would get the rubber mats that line the floor of my van, clean, would be the power-washer that sprays out soapy water at roughly 150 mph.


So I hung the mats along the hooks on the wall, inserted my quarters and then pulled the trigger of the power-washer wand. Turns out, you should make sure you are an adequate distance from the floor mat BEFORE pulling the trigger, otherwise it will ricochet off and spray you, until you are totally soaked and your hair (which you took the time to straighten today) will turn curly in a matter of 1.5 seconds.


Not that I know this from experience. But if such a moment ever happened to me...I would think (again) "If they could see me now..."


Happy Friday!!

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I Don't Get It...

Just thinking...

There's a weird phenomena that occurs in my life.

One day, I feel like I'm staying on top of everything...or at least keeping my head above water...as a wife, mom, pastor's wife, friend etc

And then the very next day or moment I feel like a complete and total failure at everything.

Logically this does not make sense. After all, if one day I'm a loving wife, patient & organized mother, ministry minded, available for all my friends kind of gal...how can I, the very next day, be a selfish wife, at-my-wits-end mom, spiritually drained, friend who never calls you back.

Hmmm...kinda makes me think I'm actually all those things, all the time. I'm not either/or...I'm both. I'm human.

More of Him, less of me.

SO. Much. Less. of. me.

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