Gonna Do Better...

Yesterday was madness in the parsonage... I should have received the
Mommy Loser Award...if there is such a thing. Although, if you would have asked me yesterday, I would have totally blamed it on how wild and outta control my children were being. (In fact, if you talked to me in person yesterday...I did...sorry:)


I have read blog after blog from wonderful moms preparing themselves for summer...just jumping at the chance to have their kids home and spend time with them. Then there's me. I love summer...but I cringe a little bit at the chaos that comes from being with three little boys all the time :) I love them more than life...but it doesn't mean that they don't drive me a little bit crazy now and then ;) Yesterday is proof.


By last night I was already starting to feel the Holy Spirit's conviction about, well, basically my overall behavior yesterday. I realized that I need to switch to summer mode. I need to make a new routine with my children. I need to enjoy them. ENJOY them.


This morning I was reading one of my favorite, FAVORITE blogs. Stephanie is a mom to boys, and one beautiful little girl, and she's a few steps ahead of me in the mommy journey. I am learning so much through her sharing her journey...which is really what blogging is sort of about. I read several of her posts that she had written to her children and each one encouraged me to be a better mommy...starting now. Go give her some blog-love, you'll be a better mom for it. Oh, and take some Kleenex (unless you're unlike me and do not cry at everything :)

Today is Noah's last day of school...let the summer fun and chaos begin. I'm praying for God's guidance in figuring out our new summer groove :)

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I'll Eventually Get It...

Forgiveness. *sigh*...So much meaning is one little word. The concept is something that I think maybe I've always struggled with.


The dictionary definitions says..."To excuse for a fault or an offense; pardon. To renounce anger or resentment against."


I get the definition....it's the putting it into practice deal that I get stuck on, sometimes.

In my head forgiveness looks like this:

1. Someone causes an offense: I get hurt, angry, resentful etc.


2. When they realize the offense (without me saying anything, of course) they immediately come to me, apologize and beg for mercy.


3. I, of course, forgive, and completely let it go


4. Restoration.

Why it looks like that in my head, I do not know. What I do know, is that 99% of the time that is not what forgiveness looks like. Forgiveness is messy, and hard. It does not fit neatly into 4 steps.

Most of the time, people will not even know they have hurt us. Most of the time, even if they know it, they will not make the first move or even admit wrong. Most of the time, I say I've forgiven, but I have not really let it go. And sometimes, forgiveness does not mean restoration. Hard stuff.

Here's what God is teaching me (over and over and over...eventually I'm bound to get it :)...

• I need to forgive, regardless of the other persons actions. Jesus didn't wait for me to get my act together before He offered me forgiveness.


• withdrawing my love and giving the silent treatment is not a healthy way to react and will definitely not help in forgiving or bringing restoration to a relationship. It will lead to bitterness.


• No amount of hurt someone causes me, personally, compares to my sin against God...yet He gave up His only son...for me.

OK, so now you get my freshest real life example...

I spent the last week being ticked at my little brother (whom I happen to adore.) He hurt me (unintentionally) and, being the mature grown-up that I am, I reacted by leaving him some sarcastic comments on Facebook and then withdrew. I know, try not to be too impressed by my high standard of maturity.

My hubby's sermon Sunday night was on forgiveness. Yeah. I heard God speaking to me LOUD and clear. It was time to do things differently.

This time, I knew I needed to share with him why I was hurt, and then let him know that I was going to forgive...let it go...for both of us. Can I tell you how much better that is than holding it in?!?

His response...unbelievable for a 19 year old. He left me a note on my wall of Facebook (which means everyone can see) apologizing. I, being me, bawled! Restoration...the way God designed it.

I pray that when the table is flipped, and I'm the one that needs to apologize, I can be the grown-up like him.

Man, God has His hands full with me...glad He is so, SO BIG! :)

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Brace Yourself...

I have lost my posting groove...if there is such a thing. I used to have a routine. Get the post out in the morning of the actual day. Now, I'm posting at the end of the day, and it's messing me all up. So, even though I just posted late last night...I'm gonna post again. HA! Lucky, lucky you.

Random point of interest *cough*

• My neighbor-friend called this morning and shared that she had washed her hubby's cell phone in the washer. I could sympathize...I have washed my own cell phone. (bad idea) After I hung up the phone with her I went to switch clothes from the washer to the dryer and found that I had, indeed, washed a dirty diaper along with the light colored clothing. Nice. I did what any perfect housekeeper would do....I took the dirty diaper out, and ran it again :) Isn't that why we paid all that money for that washing machine!?! To magically fix problems like that!?!


• You need a visual...

Yes...that is the washed-dirty diaper still on top...it was only #1 dirty...PHEW!

• I get my hair cut today. LOVE hair cut day. I contemplated getting it cut even shorter for summer, and letting it go curly...kinda like little orphan annie...well, sorta like that :)

But, considering I've been a little spacey since the tornado, I'm thinking it's best not to do anything too drastic right now. Just a trim. I'll have to think on the "Annie do." Which leads me to my 3rd random point....

• When I get to heaven and receive my perfect body...I've put in a request to have darker skin and a real Afro...just so you know, so you can recognize me :) (My husband is going to have a field day correcting all that theology there...I feel it's my God-given responsibility to keep him on his toes :)
  
  Carry on, bloggy friends, carry on...

(Annie Pic courtesy of google images)

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Tell Me I'm Not the Only One...

Good Grief. That's what I mutter to myself every time I walk past this.



It never goes away. As soon as I finally carry all the junk upstairs, a new collection has already begun to form again downstairs. Our piles of junk reproduce like bunnies around here. I have no idea how to stop it.



I need your help. Advice. Tips. Something.



And, do not suggest that maybe my stuff could grow legs of its own and put itself away...I already thought of that...not likely to happen. Also, you should not suggest that members of my family *cough* actually put their own stuff away...the junk growing legs is far more likely to happen than that.



*OK, so some of the stuff on the stairs is mine...but in my defense, I am the one putting it away... *smiles*



Happy Day, Friends!!

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Friend-Making Machine

I feel the need to tell you all that I have been making A LOT of friends lately.

I kid you not.

New bloggy friends that I will probably never meet in real life, new friends in tiny-town (because of tornado) and new people (thru blogging) that although I've never met in real life, I've met through blogging or Facebook and because they live in close proximity to me (because they are already friends with my real friends), I will actually probably meet in real life...soon. If you just followed that sentence...congratulations, you officially have been reading this blog too long and can now follow my sentences that do not make sense. Phew.

I've never been really great at making friends. I've always had friends, I was just never the one to introduce myself and pursue a friendship...if the other person did, well then, we were of course BFF's.

When I moved to tiny-town, God said to me..."Umm, sorry, but that is not gonna fly anymore...get off your butt, and go make some friends, stop making them come to you, YOU go to them" (I'm paraphrasing here) And I did...and it was so out of my comfort zone (still is) ..but, God has given and is still giving (in abundance) wonderful women friends. More wonderful that I could have imagined. That's like Him though...He never fails to go SO FAR above what I think He will do. Doesn't matter what it was or is, He ALWAYS outdoes Himself (if God can, in fact, out-do Himself...but you know what I mean :)

It makes me excited for today, and for the future. What's He gonna do next?!?

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I'm a Shoe-In...

Remember when I told you about planting flowers? Yeah, I didn't think so, better go here to refresh your memory.

Here is a picture of where I planted those bulbs...

See them?!? Nope, me either...that's a weed. Dang it.


On that particular post, The Preacher's Wife commented that I should enter her Garden Tour. Are you laughing hysterically!?! You should be. Is there a prize for the WORST Gardener? Because then I'll totally enter...I'm a shoe-in.

Happy Saturday lovely bloggy friends!

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Balance

I'm learning that, on my own, I have a bit of trouble balancing my life. When I jump into something, I JUMP in. Sometimes that's good, and sometimes...not so much. I could list many areas in my life where this has/is true. It's not a surprise, I've kinda known it...but this tragedy in tiny-town has made me so much more aware of it.


I need God to show me what to do, where to go, when and how much. Does that make sense? On my own, I'm excessive in some areas, and completely lacking in others. Exhausting.


As I re-read my last post, I realized that one of the reasons I want "normal" back, is because I am having trouble balancing the tragedy that has occurred with every day life. Focusing on all the devastation leaves me feeling empty and depleted, yet enjoying life makes me feel guilty. My family lost nothing in the tornado. So many friends, lost everything. In order to make up for that, I've taken some huge burden upon myself to grieve over all of them...to want to help all of them...in the meantime, I've found myself utterly frustrated with myself and others for not doing enough.


Yesterday afternoon I found myself complaining to God. Wish I could call it prayer, but it wasn't...it was more like a combination of whining & begging. But God, ever so quietly, has been speaking to my heart. Here's what He's shown me...

• He took me to the book of Psalms *sigh* what better place!?!
• I am feeling overwhelmed because I am taking on burdens that are not mine to bear. I repeat: NOT MINE TO BEAR. Some of them are...but I have excessively heaped loads of stuff onto myself that I CANNOT possibly handle. I do it out of guilt, I think. This does no one any good. I need to rely on Him for the who, what, when, where and how much questions.
• He is willing to teach me how to live joyfully amidst chaos, if I will just LET him.

I know that these issues were there, for me, long before tragedy hit. I know many others struggle with the same problem of balancing...it is not new or unique to me. But I no longer want to deal with it like I always have...I want to learn to allow Him to show me HEALTHY ways to deal with life amidst chaos.

One little verse that really grabbed me was Psalms 90:12

"Teach us to number our days and recognize how few they are; help us to spend them as we should."

Here's to that!

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