Adjusting...

Yesterday was the boys' second day of school and my three year old is having some trouble adjusting to his time at home with no brothers around.

What I mean is: He is getting himself into t-r-o-u-b-l-e.

The scenario all day long:

Me (calling up the stairs) "Jake, whatcha doing?"

Jake: Silence

All you moms know silence is bad news. Turns out he was bathing his tractors in this. Guess what? That doesn't come off so good...we have some well-greased tractors now.

Next scenario involved me calling up the stairs (again).

Jake's reply: "I saw-wee"

Also not a good sign, when the first thing they do is apologize. This one involved my make-up. *grrrrrr* Needless to say, I've got to get creative in keeping him busy with stuff he's actually supposed to be in :)

We're both adjusting. Yesterday I found myself hurrying around to accomplish stuff because I only had one child at home...as if I had JUST THIS DAY to do it all! It finally occurred to me that there will be more days. It also occurred to me how precious our weekends will be, with our whole family together all day long. I will look forward to them in a new and different way.

I'm also finding I have more quiet. In the new quietness I've realized how over the summer, in the chaos, I let myself forget how important the quiet time with God is. I didn't make room for enough quiet time with Him. My time with Him was most often interrupted by children (for lack of dragging myself out of bed before them).

He amazes me with all He is doing. His endless patience and love. No matter how many times I need to come before Him (and it is endless) confessing my failures at putting Him first, loving others more, dyeing to self...He never says "enough is enough" instead, He picks me back up, dusts me off, and like a loving father tells me to stop doing it on my own, and let Him help.

Why in the midst of busyness, is He the first one I shove to the side? Is it because I know his endless love and patience for me and I feel safe in doing it...much like my own children push the limits with me because they know as their momma my love is unconditional?

Pondering this question today, and examining my heart, so that I can stop pushing Him aside when life seems to demand my attention. Praying His Spirit helps me to carve out that precious quiet time no matter what. No matter what!!

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Who From Our Do

I feel there's something you should know. I am a DVR freak. For those of you who may not have experienced this amazing machine, let me explain to you (in very technical terms) what it does.



It records (very simply) TV programs. It pauses live TV. It enables me to watch TV without commercials. WITHOUT COMMERCIALS. I adore it. If you don't have one...you need one. Think of all that precious time you'll save, not watching commercials! Seriously, go get one...now. (Unless you don't watch TV...then you probably don't need one)



One of the programs I record and watch, fairly regularly is Joyce Meyer. She speaks my language...direct and to the point. Joyce and I have some minor disagreements on a few (doctrinal) things, but it has not gotten in the way of our TV friendship. Last night, as I watched, much of the stuff she said really resonated, and I can't get it out of my head. Guess what that means?!? Bullet points.

• We have to separate our "Who" from our "Do." Who we are is not based on what we do. Our "do" is sometimes going to be good, and sometimes it's not...it doesn't change our "who." Sure, we want to do what's right, to show our love for Him, but in our humanness we will fail...a lot...do not be deceived that God's love for you changes because of your "do." His love for you is because of your "who." (OK, her explanation was better, but you get the point)


• God asks us to do certain stuff, that seems hard, like FORGIVE, for OUR benefit. Everything He requires of us, is because He loves us...it is for our GOOD.


• When someone hurts us, and we harbor unforgiveness, we often expect that person (and everyone else) to repay us for that debt. But truthfully, they can never repay us. No matter how much we try to collect from them, they can't give us back what was taken. *deep breath* Only God can bring restoration where something was taken away.

There's more...but this is what I'm thinking on today...

Happy Tuesday, Friends!

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Who Am I, Really?

This is from 2006. It was the last time we tried to pose together, as a family, for a picture. Sure, we've gotten candid snapshots of the 5 of us since then...but that's it. Why? Because it is a huge pain, and frankly, it does not bring out the best in me. We did end up with a shot we could send out in the Christmas cards (thanks to my friend, Jenni's persistence.) Now, as I look back at all the shots, I smile...because this is what we look like. This picture does capture who we are and the stage we were in...but at the time, I just wanted it to look like the family portraits on display at the mall....perfect smiling faces, in the perfect position...that will not happen, because that is not us.

• Looking back through these pictures made me take a look at my family in a new way...take it for what it is...the good, the bad...and the crazy silliness! Its also reminded me that I need to look at myself in the same way...not through a filtered lens of who I think I am, or say I am...but by what my actions reveal I am. Sometimes we think our everyday actions match our beliefs...but they don't. I know that apart from Jesus, I can do nothing. I know that I want to live my life, day in and day out, with Him in first place. Because my husband, children, family, friends, church, and strangers don't care what I say I believe...what I truly believe is revealed in my priorities. Ouch. If I want my boys to grow up and love the Lord with all that they are, I need to be showing them how real Jesus is...not just telling them. It's so much more about what they witness me doing , and so much less about what they hear from me. Here's what I'm asking God to help me to do...
• show by example, a love for people that are hard to love.
• make my priorities match my beliefs.
• remember the reasons why we go to church. We need the encouragement and support of other believers, we need their prayers and accountability, to worship Him together, to outwardly show He is a priority...and they need the same thing from us. We don't go...for show, to be entertained, to judge, out of habit or to win favor with God or people. We go, because Jesus established the church before He left...He knew it was important, that we needed it...and that is reason enough.
• help me to be in His Word, and in prayer, so that I can hear His still, small voice above all the other junk and voices. It's through that, that I gain the wisdom and discernment I need.
• to help me not to rely on myself or past victories to sustain me. They're not meant for that. I can look back on them and praise Him for what He did, but those victories do not give me the strength and mercy I need for today...only time with him today, does that.
  Lamentations 3:23 Great is his faithfulness; his loving-kindness begins afresh each day.

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Quiet

Finally! School! YAY!!! I tried to keep from skipping out to the van this morning, afterall, it is a small town...I think I did ok :) The house is quiet (except for the sound of Dora the Explorer.) Man, do I need some quiet time with God. I spent much of yesterday afternoon letting the boys run wild while I read blogs. I am hooked. I read those of people I know, sorta know, and have never met. I love reading about people's lives...everyone has a story and a unique bent on things. After reading some of the blogs of people I've never met, I felt like I knew them! Isn't that weid how that happens. Here I am, thinking I know this person, after reading some things they've written and looking at their pictures. It got me thinking about what it really means to "know" someone. I can think I know all about someone without ever really interacting with them personally, but that's not really knowing someone. Someone I truly know, I'm interacting with, it's a give and take. They not only know my likes and dislikes, my interests, etc., they also know the sound of my voice, and my laugh. They've seen me lose my cool, seen me cry, and make an idiot of myself. So it goes with my relationship with God. When I was 15, I met God in a whole new way. I realized I knew about Him, and thought that was enough. Man was I wrong...I was missing the BEST PART! I was missing really knowing Him. Which brings me back to why I need some quiet time with God today. All relationships take effort...lots of it, if we want them to be great. God isn't the one who makes it difficult...it's me. He never asks me to call back at a less crazy hour, he never pretends to be something He's not, He's never demanding. Instead, He's always waiting and happy to see me, and never tires of me....amazing. His love, and mercy and grace is so much more that I can even wrap my mind around. Casting Crowns is one of my favorite groups. Their music reaches deep into my heart and challenges me. One of their songs, has a verse that says, "How refreshing to know you don't need me, how amazing to find that you want me." He really is amazing, and I so long to know Him more. I need Him...everyday.

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