Anything

It probably began last winter sometime...I began thinking a lot about prayer.  When we would ask for prayer requests at church, in Bible Study, Sunday School, they always looked the same.  Most were about physical needs.  Some were about life situations and very, very few were about our own spiritual struggles.  

And it bothered me.  It bothered me that in my own life prayer had become about petitioning God for what I thought was best.  Bring healing.  Provide here.  Work out this situation.   Bossy.  

I couldn't shake that nagging thought of, "Who are you, to think you know best?"  

Because I know myself.  And I know nothing about how anything is going to turn out.  Ever.  I make wrong assumptions, wrong choices, often with wrong motives.  And yet when I spoke to my Holy God, I came before Him with instructions.

Why?  WHY?  There were a couple reasons.  One:  That's how people around me pray.  We all do it.  I mean, when the prayer line comes around to me and I say, "You got this God.  Do what honors and glorifies You...and no matter what that is, help us to draw close to you and bring You glory."  What are people gonna think?!?  It might end up sounding like I am just in a hurry.  So instead, I list out a few (not all) and then wrap it up. People pleasing at its finest.  Two:  If I  just list out instructions, then I'm not responsible for really accepting His plan.  And I think I'm in control, and that makes me feel better.  Except that is doesn't.  Because ultimately I know that I'm a moron and shouldn't be left in control. Of anything.

And then this spring I got an email.  They'd like to know if I would review a book.  And it's called Anything.  And in my gut I know this is God's timing.

It's called Anything: the prayer that unlocked my God and my Soul by Jennie Allen.

If you want less God, then you will hate this book.  If you want to remain in control because you know best, this book is not for you.  

But if you are feeling that nagging-in-the-gut that you are holding back from God...then read this.  I promise you it will hurt so good.

Part 1 of the book is called Everything Keeping us from Anything, and I read through that thinking yep, yep, yep.  Right on.  

Part 2 is called Praying Anything and that's the part of the book where the tears begin to flow...because the prayer of Anything is hard.  And scary.  But essential if we want to know the fullness that God has for us.

And Part 3 is my favorite, called Living Anything.  Jennie gets down to the nitty gritty of what that means, and how (practically) that works out in our lives.  

Jennie's writing style is easy, and honest and simply to the point.  I adore it. 

I've found that Anything is a prayer I pray, and then often try to take back.  I often pray anything, and mean anything but that.  I'm a work in progress, and two steps forward and one step back is still better than being stuck.

And Stuck is what I'm talking about tomorrow.  Stick around.  And say hello.  Stalkers. ;)
  

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Today I...

Today I...

• Before I even opened my eyes this morning, I was already praying for God's help in areas I knew I was destined to fail at as soon as my feet hit the floor.  I need His help turning opportunities and conversations and   pretty much EVERYTHING into spiritual opportunities.  Because I am missing them.  Missing them as is in:  Doing it myself and can't seem to locate them, kind of deal.    
• Can't shake this book I'm reading.  I'm half way through it, and then I'll let ya in on it so you can read it and let it mess with you too.  Good stuff.  It's got me thinking about how even as a believer in Christ, I often live as though this life on earth is the real deal and Heaven is real, but not "real, real."  Clear as mud?  I say that spiritual life is eternal, that Jesus is really the only thing that matters...and then I get distracted by some shiny object and pretend that all this stuff on earth actually matters.  Someone kick me.  Oh wait, that book just did.
• Ran hills this morning, even though I just ran hills on Sunday night and my butt still hurts.  But lately, the pain of running feels good...and it's been awhile since it felt good.  I'll take it.
• Fed Lucy three sticks of string cheese.  I'll likely need to follow that up with feeding her three glasses of prune juice tomorrow.  You do what ya gotta do.
• I'm watching the puppy chew on my shoe.   Normally I'd get up...but my backside hurts too much.  I don't really like the shoe that much anyways.  It's your lucky day, puppy.
• On Facebook there are these For Sale Groups, you all have these?  Anyways, in the past two days I've scored a sweet retro-ish sectional couch ($75)  and little brown UGG boots for Lucy for $20.  I will show you them soon.  Yay me!  Side note:  Do you see how that is in the SAME POST as bullet point #2? Ironic is my middle name.  
• I am so uber excited about The Olympics that I can hardly stand it.  July 27th.  Yippee!  I should have a party, since I'm gonna have a sectional couch now.  And then there's that new big addition.   But I'll have to have them promise to be quiet so I can watch every.single.minute.  The bios, the commercials, the background sad sob stories.  Oh I love it all.  I'm a terribly un-fun hostess.  Not even Pinterest can help me.
• I just stopped writing because I realized I hadn't checked on Lucy for a bit.  Bad idea.  I found her dumping water out of the kitchen sink and onto the floor.  Seriously, she's a destructive force.  I can't take my eyes off her for a minute.  You'd think I would learn...
• Also, I'm pretty sure I've declared that it's grilled cheese for supper.  "Make your own"  grilled cheese for supper.  And yes, I say supper and not dinner, because I'm all Midwestern like that.

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Because it Matters...

Can I just say...it has been a week. As in, many friends and loved ones with hard stuff going on in their lives.

Phone calls, emails, lots of feeling helpless to help. Beginning and ending with telling them I'm covering them in prayer...and yet feeling like it sometimes seems insignificant.

And then I came across this in my Beth Moore homework.

We are so culturally indoctinated to be fast-paced, high-energy, hands-on kinds of people that we tend to think of prayer as a passive, nearly "do-nothing" reaction. We tend to pray when we don't know what else to do. Beloved, nothing shakes the heavenlies like prayer. Nothing moves the heart of God more than prayer. Furthermore, I'm not sure anything takes more energy at times than fervent prayer.

Prayer matters...more than anything else.

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It's What I Am...

I started college with every intention of becoming a social worker. It took ten minutes into the first semester for me to realize I did NOT in fact want to be a social worker.

Two big factors stood in the way. 1 - I'm a fix-it type person. You come to me with a problem and I want to fix it for you...or tell you what to do to fix it. I have to make myself just sit and listen without giving options...I think this may make me like a man, but whatever. 2 - I quickly realized I would have trouble leaving work at work.

Looking back, I can see that the desire inside my heart that made me want to be a social worker was in fact placed there by God...but it wasn't to be a social worker...it was to be a Pastor's wife...which sometimes looks and feels kinda like working for human services.

I am constantly battling #1...seeking God's discernment on when to just listen and when to act. On my own, I tend to go over-board in either direction.

#2 - In ministry, there's no such thing as leaving work at work. The people God has placed into our lives are literally a part of our lives. The blessing in it, for Ben and I, is that we are in it together. Do we sometimes have to shut it out? Absolutely...for a time.

This week God literally dropped a desperate young mommy of three into my life. She called looking for a church...looking for Jesus. I hung up the phone so excited that she had called us...and at the same time wishing she'd called someone else. Excited because I know a Savior that will change her life, and yet wishing she'd called someone else better experienced to help her in her particular situation.

I'm asking for your prayers today...that she would meet Jesus in a life-changing way, that God would pour out His wisdom on Ben and I and our little church regarding how He desires us to minister to her and so many others.

It's overwhelming...in a really fantastic sorta way. We need so much of Him...because without Him, I'm fully aware of how badly we will screw it up ;)

Thanks for listening and praying bloggy friends!

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