I was going to be one of those parents that didn't need their kid to check-in all the time, and I certainly wasn't going to be nosy about all the details of every situation they encountered.
Because I would be cool. And fun. Obviously.
But the thing about Sophomores, and teenagers in general, is that they're sort of *morons*. Even the smart ones. They're all operating at varying degrees of the moronic-condition. It's not even their fault. Their brains are not done growing, and they don't have the life experience or maturity to make fully rational choices all of the time. They think they do. But they don't. And then hormones.
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| Me (sophomore) and Ben (senior). Good kids...but technically morons yet at that stage in life. |
Twenty one years later...
Don't let the nose-ring fool you. I am neither cool nor fun (by teenager standards). Sophomore-Sarah turned into the "lame mom." And not just the default lame mom, but the proud-of-it, no-denying-it lame mom. Watching, stalking, listening, guarding, questioning. Because wisdom comes with age. And wiser-me knows that I have great kids. I do. But given the right circumstances, even great kids can end up making stupid choices. So it's my job, as the lame-mom, to help walk them through their moronic-journey.
Not to shelter them completely. And not to keep them from making mistakes. But to guard them, and teach them, and protect them...so they can grow out of their moronic condition.
My kids are only at the Jr. High teen stage. But I can already spot the cool parents. The fun ones. The ones that get to say yes to the things that I'm saying "no way in..." to. And that's when it dawned on me. A little part of me still wants to be the cool kid, the one who just says yes. But the bigger part of me, is totally at peace being the fun-hater. Especially when girls are involved. Where my boys are concerned, all girls should just assume I said no. ;)
Sophomore-Sarah would think she's totally lame. But 37-year-old-Sarah understands that lame means awesome. So to all the lame-awesome mama's out there, telling your young teenagers NO to stuff that 14 year old's don't need to be doing: High Five. Let's unite in our lame-awesomeness.
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*High five* ;)
ReplyDeleteI'm right there with you. I don't know sometimes how they survive without us right there.
ReplyDeleteTOTAL HIGH FIVE! We printed out an "application" to date our daughter, who isn't dating age yet, but we are preparing her of our MASSIVE LAME-NESS in advance, so when we start demanding to meet and hand out these "applications" she can save herself the embarssassment and already worn would be suitors, and be mindful of who is important enough to bring around this house of crazy.😉
ReplyDeleteYes! I can totally relate. We were careful with what our kids watched on t.v. and movies, and they never went to a movie without an adult. We monitored their time on the computer and t.v. They were never allowed to just go "hang"at the mall.
ReplyDeleteWe set boundaries for them and it wasn't because we didn't trust them, it was because we didn't trust their judgement. At that age you can get yourself into some sticky situations that you don't really have the wisdom for.
So we gave the guidelines and boundaries. Sure, they could have circumvented some things and we'd never have known. But that's where trust comes in. You do the best you can by teaching them, giving them love and grace and boundaries, and then you hope that those external boundaries causes them to build internal ones. Then you trust them to carry it out and trust the Lord to let you know if they aren't, lol!
One of our kids once told me "My friends think you're a mean mom" and I said "Tell them thank you!!!" ;)
We had a kind of a no-dating rule in their early teens. We figured giving a 16 year old guy a girl and a car was not a good idea, so no dates at 16. At 17 they were allowed to go out and hang out with their friends and it would be a "group date" if there was a girl they liked who was along, or they could invite her to go along. At 18 they were allowed to date. Sure the kid can be sneaky behind your back and date anyway, but we only needed to lay out our expectations and if they sneak around and don't meet them, that is between them and God. We can only do the best we can.
But our kids are adults now and they have thanked us for the sheltering we did. My oldest once said "I didn't need all that stuff in my mind." But even if they didn't thank us, I would still believe that we did what we felt God was leading us to do in raising them.