I sent my "middlest" child off to school this morning...in tears.
I somehow forgot, in the midst of him ignoring my instructions all morning, how sensitive he is.
Mornings around here are sporadic. One morning, everything goes smooth as can be, and the next: chaos.
This morning would fall under the latter. The problem has a simple fix: Just listen and do what mama says. Simple right? Don't I wish.
Here's how it goes around here.
I say: Boys' go upstairs and brush your teeth.
They: head up the stairs and have to pass their bedroom to get to the bathroom...guess where they end up?
I say: Get your coat and shoes on.
They: Get up, but end up in a room in the house that does NOT contain their coat or shoes. When they finally make it to the mudroom, and are half-way dressed, they decide that they cannot possibly wear the shirt they have on...they must take off their coat and shoes, run upstairs, fling clothes all over until they find the right t-shirt and THEN come get their stuff on.
As I rushed to help get Eli's coat on I began my lecture.
"This is why I told you to get your stuff on 10 minutes ago, I tell you this for a reason, you need to listen and obey and not run off blah blah blah blah blah"
And then his tears came. I immediately wanted to take back my dumb lecture. It wasn't necessary, I had already been getting after them all morning...he got the point. Yet in my anger and frustration I couldn't let it go...
I hugged him and hugged him trying to reassure him that it was ok, no need to cry...but once those tears start for him they're pretty hard to stop.
And then I sent him out the door...feeling like the worst mother. Ever.
After he left I pleaded with the Lord to make it all better in his sensitive little heart and at that moment God revealed to me that the chaos of our morning was not just my boys fault for not listening...it was more mine, for not listening to my Heavenly Father. If I had...that lecture never would have began, I wouldn't have had to send my sweet boy off in tears.
Mommahood is tough. My idiotness sometimes makes it a lot more tough ;)
Starting fresh again today. It's 8:56 AM.
- Sarah@Life in the Parsonage
- Wife to Ben, who also happens to be the Pastor of a sweet little church in a tiny little town. Mama to three boys and little Lucy. We live in the parsonage, 27 steps from said little church. This is the journey...it involves lots of run-on sentences.
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The Fringe Hours
Oh, friend, you are right...mommahood is so tough! You are doing a great job, don't be too hard on yourself. I'm so thankful for God's grace. I so often need to start fresh, sometimes I wish I could just have a do-over.
ReplyDeletehey, i get the same award today! i was determined to find new solutions in keeping tulip busy while I get myself ready so we can run to get groceries...but i did it again...turned on PBS tv. it's the only thing i can find that will give me the 30 mins or so to get ready. but the 30 mins ends up being distracted into an hr or so and she's still playing in front of the tv...instead of unloading my makeup drawer or the dangerous cleaners under the sink...not sure what the solution is...but it's a daily issue!!!! i do feel like the worst mom ever every day!
ReplyDeleteI wish I could say that I have never succumbed to the getting ready pressure but I have had carbon copies of those mornings. Especially the shoe battle with Aaron. I keep telling myself that I will remember it longer than they will. I hope the rest of your day gets better.
ReplyDeleteI have given a few of those mommy lectures myself. I don't know why because they never work. You are a wonderful mommy! You recognized what you had done and asked him and God to forgive you. I hope you have a beautiful day.
ReplyDeleteOh, that's so sweet! You're a good momma!
ReplyDeleteIf you are giving out awards for being a bad momma - I need one too!!! Too Many times to count I should have that award!!!
ReplyDeleteNow that being said, Moms are a work in progress too - AND no one is perfect, not even Moms! I think you are a GREAT MOM!!!
Hugs Dear Friend!
Yeah - this parenting thing is TOUGH. And you are so not the worst mother ever. :)
ReplyDeleteI always thank God that He has instilled in our little ones that ability to forgive us so quickly.
Mommahood is definitely a challenge. You are not alone.
ReplyDeleteI saw that Eli was fighting back tears as he got in my van, so with a van full of kids we began to "play a game". By the time we were at the school (6 blocks away) he was giggling. Sarah, more than I can count I'm sure Sydney gets in your van looking like Eli did this morning.
ReplyDeleteIf it was just that simple to just listen to mom!!!!
I give "the lecture" a lot and I justify it with, "My child is 2 and she needs to understand why she has to do what Mommy says."
ReplyDeleteBut you could have just let him go without consoling and comforting him and recognizing his sensitivity. But you didn't. So that makes you a Good Mama. :)
you have no idea how EXACTLY similiar this very scenario plays out most of our mornings around here. and bad mother? pff. i yell too much. so take that badness and add it to the sensitive boy who is tearing up and its a morning for failure. i'm learning to give more warnings/instructions farther ahead of time and more often...in a lower tone. and this morning when i caught him trying to shoot me with his nerf gun and the big grin on his face...i tried reaaaally hard to enjoy the moment and soak it in how fun and cute this little clueless boy is!
ReplyDeletehang in there sista. and i bet he'll come home forgetting the morning so you should too!
Yep. Lecture. Tears. Guilt.
ReplyDeleteWe are only human. I have very high expectations on myself. You know the ones where we promise never again and 2 seconds later have blown it. yeah. That's why we NEED each other to remind us of Grace. Because if it were up to us, well as you pointed out we can be idiots! I don't think you are, by the way. You are a delight even in those crappy mom moments. I delight in you and I KNOW our Lord does too!
I think we all have more mornings like that than we care to think about. No one likes to get up, dressed, rushed out the door, and everything that goes in between! You are a good mommy!
ReplyDeleteyour quote ...
ReplyDeletemommahood is tough. my idiotness sometimes makes it a lot more tough.
AMEN! and in my world, it makes my teacherhood alot more tough too because not only do I have 2 boys ... but 24 2nd graders as well.
Life. you gotta love it!
Motherhood IS guilt, but not by God's design. Go in the strenth of the LORD and His truth!
ReplyDelete(as always my advise needs to be heard by me! I am battling a sinus infection, supposed to be packing for our move, and prepping for the marriage conference...)
I think I am seeing a commno thread in your comments. We've all been there. We all need to be reminded of the very lesson you learned this morning. I am thankful for all of these ladies and you for the encouragement - I have been in this scenario so many times.
ReplyDeleteBeen there, done that, felt the same way. I'm so glad we serve a God that offers grace and forgiveness and a fresh start each day!!
ReplyDeleteOh Sarah, I am right there with you. I have been a miserable failure as a Mama this week. Miserable. Attitudes have sucked all around. Some days I'm so understanding of what my KIDS are dealing with, at each of their ages and stages, and other days, I'm just irritated and loud and ugly and scary.
ReplyDeleteI'm with you though... starting fresh. :) Thank GOD for new mercies!
BEEN THERE DONE THAT!! I can't count the times i have lost it in the mornings, all the while yelling at myself to get more organized (what the heck is that??) mornings stink that that is that, they stink for moms and kids alike!! chin up hon, you are a super momma and one bad day does not a bad momma make!! Love you!!
ReplyDeleteOh, and also, slopping it up doesn't make you the worst mother ever. It just makes you a mother.
ReplyDeleteNow if only I could get that through my OWN head.
And I just want to echo what everyone else has said - you stopped. You hugged and hugged some more. He knows you love him, and he knows you're sorry. It's better for him to see you fix it, than to never see you screw up... because our children have a very real understanding of what it means to "do bad things". They have difficulty controlling it in themselves. You set a good example by the way you ended it.
The end. ;)
I am right there with you most every day!!! I'm feeling your pain.
ReplyDeleteI said a prayer this morning at about the same time asking for forgiveness for losing it with my 3 year old whose drama sends me over the top a lot.
I totally get it! I do.
Aren't you so thankful for our Father's grace? Without it, how would we get through the day! I hope the rest of your day went better. For what it is worth, I think you do a great job of mothering your family (from what I read) and being very real on your blog. I appreciate that. As Christians, we need to be real.
ReplyDeleteMy youngest is the same way. He ignores you and ignores you and when you finally snap he starts crying and you feel bad. I am not sure what to do.
ReplyDeleteSounds familiar.
ReplyDeleteI was right there with you last Wednesday to be exact. After I got the kids on the bus, a group of women came over for MITI (Mom's In-Touch Internation), a group where we pray for our kids. I was a mess....feeling sooo guilty over my bad attitude that morning. My son didn't deserve my grumpiness. I made him cry too. I'm glad our kids forgive us. I'm glad God does too.
ReplyDeleteawwwwwwww! we're having the exact same sort of day.
ReplyDeleteI told my tidy little kitchen trash can this morning that I hated it. Then I banged it around a little, the trash bag STILL WOULD NOT come out, so I let the trash can know that I REALLY HATED IT. I looked over and my Corey was staring at his cereal with a CRY FACE on. He said I was scaring him.
poor guy. his mommy needed a serious attitude adjustment.
((i still reeeeeeeeally hate my trash can though.))
completely completely understand.. esp the part that comes back to me and my relationship with Him, and all the other things that life throws at us.
ReplyDeleteits funny how i don't get it, when it just comes down to Him and them. sigh. praying the rest of your day was full of Him.
Kinda reminds me of us, when God is trying to tell us something and we're so distracted and busy with other things to listen ;o)
ReplyDeleteYou're right, Mommahood really is tough, good thing our kiddos love us unconditionally and that God is as graceful as He is! We'd be in big trouble if that weren't the case, wouldn't we?
Oh, I think I could have been in a close race with you this morning myself! Its good to know God's mercies are new every morning...and every moment.
ReplyDeleteAnd you are a GREAT mom.
yep! been there done that! felt horrible, just horrible! can't really say I even took the guilt to God...
ReplyDeleteYour work as a Mom is ETERNAL; not fleeting -- as the emotion you and middle-one experienced today.
ReplyDeleteIn his recollection of this event thirty years from now, he will remember the HUG!
In 100 years, your work to lead him to HEAVEN is all that will matter!
:-)
~esthermay
Thank God for new days and new mercies fresh each morning!
ReplyDeleteEven though you would like to change the incident of this morning, I would have to say that it was pretty normal. If things like this did not happen in your home, you would have to go live on another planet :)
ReplyDeleteThe love and compassion that was behind your hug is what will be remembered.
Filling the role of a good, godly parent is not for sissies! Hang in there, it pays off in the end!
Oh... Mommahood IS tough.
ReplyDeleteOoooo I agree being a Mom is so hard...thank goodness we can all start over everyday! :)
ReplyDeletethis so resonated with me! it crushes me when i'm the one whose suppose to be my sons biggest cheerleader... but instead i'm the one who crushes their spirit! and mornings are the WORST!! you described it perfectly, some mornings go so smoothly and the next day they fall apart!
ReplyDeletethanks for your honesty!
Been there. Done that. More times than i can count.
ReplyDelete