But in reality, all the stuff I don't write about would make a much longer list.
When I started blogging, I knew there were certain things that I would not be able to share with the blog world.
In relationships and especially in ministry confidentiality is key. After all, who's gonna wanna come pour their heart out to me if there's a chance I'm gonna post about it?
I call it my "Do Not Blog" list.
You see, where I live it's a small world...a very itsy bitsy teeny tiny little world.
Tiny Town
+Tiny Church
+20 minutes away from small town where both my husband and I grew up
= Microscopic world.
You add in those three elements, and it is amazing how quickly people can connect the dots. There's no use in trying to disguise names in order to share...my world is just too small. And, I like it that way.
Here's my list: (some of it anyways)
- Ben, my husband: Oh sure, I'll do it occasionally, because he really is a great husband, and daddy, and pastor...but I'm selfish, and I like to keep him to myself ;)
- Frustrations involving: immediate family, extended family, Church family, friends, acquaintances, tiny-town residents, our school system, etc.
- Private conversations
- Annoyances (unless it's just with myself :)
- Difficult circumstances that involve anyone in my real life
- Church "business"
- Anything that could totally humiliate my boys or anyone I know.
Guess what...that's a lot of stuff...a lot of my life that can't be blogged about.
Which pretty much leaves the list of things on my sidebar, which boils down to a total and complete hodge podge (I love that word.)
I love reading your blogs...getting a glimpse into your lives. I realize though, that it truly is just a glimpse.
So, I'm curious. What's on your "DO NOT BLOG" list?
Posts
Number one is to never embarrass the kids. They hate it when I act crazy in public and have asked me not to do it.
ReplyDeleteNumber two is deep dark secrets. I have a theory about a family member that I can never tell about.
Number three is intimacy. My wife would kill me for that and it would also fit into item number one.
My last rule is to never say anything bad about anyone on here. I may voice my non approval of someone but I will never slander anyone.
I also work for my church, so office happenings, as amusing as they are, I pretty much stay away from.
ReplyDeleteMy girls read my blog so I try not to embarass them if at all possible. I don't say anything that would show my hubs in a poor light. I want to keep him for myself too ;}
ReplyDeleteHugs!
My list looks the same as yours. I felt a little close to the line the other day when I posted that i was stressed with certain things and threw church stuff into the pile. But truth is, as pastoral families, we DO get stressed with church business...so i didnt want folks to think I was down and out over trivial things...but i also felt like I was as close to the line as I could go with out crossing it.
ReplyDeleteI try to stay funny yet truthful....honest yet private....and sometimes its hard to pull off.
I most certainly will never blog anything about my hubby that is negative or reveals our intimate life. Just cant do it.
I also blog with the thought in mind that this stuff is on the internet for all to see from here on out....its public forever. So I want to put my thoughts out there in a positive--nothing to fear of coming back to haunt me or bite me---kind of way.
Lastly, I refuse to mommy bash. We all need each other too much to do that. Trusting women relationships--even the online kind--can be hard to come by. I want to be open and recieving of all parenting styles. I do not think my way is the only way (unless we are talking Jesus and then my way is the only way cause my way is Him)
My list mostly echoes yours. I try to remember not to post anything that I don't mind everyone I know reading. There have been many times when someone I know in "real" life tells me she's seen what I've been up to...that's a much-needed reality check sometimes. And my hubby also reads my blog, and I certainly wouldn't want to post anything that doesn't honor Him or the Lord.
ReplyDeleteI try to balance being real with keeping some privacy. Tough to do sometimes, but worth it when I can make it work.
My list changes when my heart changes. :) I wasn't about to post much about Andy, but it is refreshing once in a while.
ReplyDeleteIntimacy is out, though. :)
I would never say or do anything to embarrass my hubby (hopefully). I've told him I make jokes on here sometimes and he's OK with me joking but I know when and where to draw the line with him.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I wouldn't ever want to embarrass Princess. Even though she's too young to notice now, it might come back to haunt me.
And I TOTALLY agree with you on church things. While I don't counsel church members like you & your hubby, we still hear a lot through the youth and some of the members we're close with. It comes with the territory for ANY church leadership position. I think you are especially vulnerable because of the size of town you live in. We get a little more slack here because we live in such a large city.
I actually considered posting on my MIL (we have a VERY rocky history) last weekend over some of the things she said and did. I didn't because I wondered if she ever found my blog, would she be hurt? But then again, we had our big blowout last year and she knows the things that she does and how they make me feel. So is it OK to blog about them if you've already addressed it with the person involved? I don't know. I also thought about blogging about her because of how much I've grown and learned from God and the counseling I had to go through because of it (yes, counseling... I told you it was rocky). The jury is still out on this one for me.
I don't ever want to embarrass anyone I know. Fortunately most of the time when I have an issue, I'm the one that's done something wrong, so my "complaint" posts are more of a "look who can't get her act together" post about myself.
Funny story: this summer my hubby went to Indianapolis for a week for a conference and I was home 8 days by myself with my little girl. He called on the way home and wanted to know if the house was clean. His reason for asking was because he wanted to invite some friends over for whatever sports game was coming on. But I took it as, "What have you been doing this whole time I've been gone?" So after we got off the phone I posted a blog where I (JOKINGLY) said that he better have something pretty for me for daring to ask that question. I was TOTALLY joking. Well one of his buddies read it and told him about it, and it bothered my hubby a lot, which was surprising because I didn't think it would have. I apologized and posted a "retraction." I guess you never know how people will react to stuff they see in print.
I agree with your list and would add to mine that I don't want to post anything too detailed about my kiddos. Also, my goal is to keep things positive and not get into the complaining/sarcastic downward spiral.
ReplyDeletePeace!
I try not to give out details that would pinpoint where I am. And I don't talk in the negative about things going on in my family.
ReplyDeleteMy family requested that I don't blog about them! So I only mention them when necessary and I really don't use most of my friends names if I talk about them, and finally...since I don't have a real job yet, I try to omit anything that would work against me getting a job! These were things I am so glad I thought about before starting the blog!!
ReplyDeleteI don't blog much - so I haven't thought about hard and fast rules. But probably not saying anything I wouldn't want my family to know.
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by my blog!
Yeah, I agree. My do not blog list is a LOT longer than my "blog" list.
ReplyDeleteFunny, I was just thinking similar thoughts myself. I try to keep my blog focused in on *my* process--that's it's purpose--but my thoughts are so often stimulated by my environment, and only bits of that are blog-able.
ReplyDeleteThings I avoid:
--Revealing my name. Public blog; crazy folk.
--Revealing my location. Ditto.
--Using other's names/locations unless they themselves have made them public (like a public blog).
--Anything negative about family/friends/co-workers. Every once in awhile I will post something about someone I actually know, but I try to keep it generic enough that others won't know to whom I am referring.
--Also, I try to always end on a positive note/focused on the Lord and His Word. This pattern is derived from the psalms.
Actually, the gaps in my blogging are almost always precipitated by the the fact that things going on in my life/head are un-bloggable. I find that challenging sometimes. Like today, where there are very intense things going on around me, and almost none of it is bloggable...
;-)
-J
I'm still pretty new at blogging, but I'm torn because I know there are issues out there that I know it would benefit ministry spouses to be able to pour out their hearts and to speak freely and openly together about things that we all face. I wish there was a way to do that without causing the potential embarrassment or offense...Of course, even in person, the ministry wives I meet keep their "perfect" shield up. No one wants to be vulnerable..human. It breaks my heart because I truly think it would be helpful to have trustworthy confidants in each other. BUT, since my dream is not reality, I do refrain from posting gripes about other people, frustrations about specific church people, although, I don't mind expressing frustrations over stumbling blocks the church faces together, the names of friend's children-they're adorable, they're precious and I would love to share them with the world, but they are not mine, so I don't. I talk about my husband, but he's a wonderful supporter and currently my only devoted reader. That being the case, I couldn't really complain about him, or make fun of him--he might post a negative comment. Pretty much, my list is very much like yours. We're also in a very small town, where I grew up, and if you hiccup on the front porch, somebody's going to ask you about it Sunday at church or the next time you're in the convenience store. Sorry for a ridiculously long comment. I love your blog--I'm very glad to have found it! Thank you for being as transparent and sincere as possible.
ReplyDeleteI don't post about my daughter's friends by name or put pictures of them up without their parent's permission.
ReplyDeleteI never talk about other people's business, it's called other people's business for a reason.
Sex, drugs, or rock and roll.
I try to never be negative on my blog- or in life. Life is too short and at times to difficult to dwell on the negatives. I always try to search out the positive- even if that is only by asking for support.
I try not not blog about anything I don't want my mother in law to read, since she does read it.
ReplyDeleteI also try not to say things that embarass the husband.
I will embarass the kids though, especially when a little one announces that they are "glad that they invented sex"
Great list, Sarah. I echo most of it for myself. There have been times when I really, really wanted to post about some issues with my MIL but I refrained because I figured if any of that side of the family ever found my blog, it wouldn't be good. So I just deal with that stuff on my own. I don't post a whole lot about my hubby either, just out of respect for him.
ReplyDeleteThis really made me think!
My list is exactly like yours. I try to only post things that I would be ok with 'everyone' reading...it is the WORLD WIDE web afterall, who knows who might read something on our blogs.
ReplyDeleteA long time ago I learned that if you don't want something repeated or even seen by certain others you shouldn't write it down at all. (I guess that means type it, too.) So I try to maintain a positive blog that won't be turned into crowpie by breakfast.
ReplyDeleteI also try to keep the focus on stuff that my friends and family would be interested in, since that is mainly why I blog.
I am also a pastor's wife and avoid discussing church and my husband on my blog.
1. I don't post anything negative about our church family or share private info about people in our congregation.
ReplyDelete2. I never post anything negative about my family issues or complaints - no matter how witty or clever they may make my post entry.
3. I only blog about past events. I don't ever say where I WILL be or when I will be out of town. I try not to mention where I work or places I frequent.
4. When David and I were young in the Ministry and our marriage, he used to include funny little stories about our marriage in his sermons/lessons. They were funny to everyone but ME.
After a few "heart-to-hearts", we agreed that our marriage was off limits: no matter how funny or relevant the story may be. The same thing goes for our blog. I let him read everything before I post it.
It's great accountability and gives him insight into my thoughts on things.
Great list. All things I would think twice about as well. My number one is our older kids. I will only blog about them with their permission... except for that car wreck. Forgot about that one. lol!! Also, my husband. He works so hard to be a man of integrity and strength and that is how I see him and want others to see him. Nobody needs to know his weaknesses or quirks. There are certain things I struggle with but do not post about because of certain people that read my blog. They are my issues but could affect other people (mostly church and friendship related). I will talk about issues at times, if it fits in with something I need to share, but otherwise I stay away from politics. I think my blog pretty much speaks for itself there. I am sure there are other things but those are my for sure things.
ReplyDeleteHmmm....I have a few do not blogs...One thing is definitely my true issues with my husband. I can play around with him on the blog...but I just cant get into the nitty gritty.
ReplyDeleteYou inspired me beyond belief. I just wrote my entire post today on this subject. thank you for the guidance.
ReplyDeleteMy list would look pretty much like yours. When something comes up around the house David tells me, don't put that on your blog, heehee!
ReplyDeleteCatchin' up on my blog readin'
off to read your next post!
I've got the same list.
ReplyDeleteThere are some things that you want to write about but just don't have the right words to capture it. I keep those things to myself too.
I was a pastors wife in a tiny (30 on a great day!) church from 1991-2002, before there was blogging as there is now. But I just realized that I did my own form of blogging by writing for the local newspaper each week on the "Church Page". We were supposed to tell people what the pastor was going to preach about but I made it my own little column of funny, daily insights. Had to be careful tho about mentioning names etc. like you are saying here. I love your writing, I'll be back!
ReplyDelete