God has been teaching me so, so much lately. And my friends...it hurts!Wherever I go, by any means possible, it seems that He is showing me the same thing over and over.
This is not unusual. There have been countless times that He's done this..."beating" the message into my heart until it finally sinks in, and I stop fighting against it, and start learning from it. Most of the time...it's something that I don't want to hear. And like a child, I stick my fingers (MP3) in my ears and sing loudly, in hopes of drowning Him out...which, by the way, does not work. God is not loud. He doesn't keep shouting louder and louder...He whispers...softly and gently, and it pierces my heart to the core...and He does it because He loves me...He does it because that's who He is. Astounding, isn't it?
My problem He's revealed: Self. I heard a message recently on the 10 commandments. It broke them down into what they meant or stood for. The first commandment God gave was that we not hold anyone above Him(have no other gods.) And it struck me. I don't worship any other gods...or do I. Who is first in my life all the time? The answer I heard was not pretty...the answer was me.
The more I thought about this, the uglier it got. I began to realize that there is not one decision I make, no matter how big or small, that does not FIRST go through my automatic filter of how does this effect me, make me feel. Granted, I do things all the time that may be self-sacrificing, but I guarantee you that it first went through that ME filter and then I decided if it was worth it or not. Gross...and totally backwards.
You know what that filter should be FIRST?!? It should be "Does this glorify God?" I want that to be first. He put it in that order for a reason. He knew that in our humanness, the struggle for control over our lives would be the hardest to let go of. It is a battle that I will most likely fight on a daily basis...maybe minute by minute. It's idiotic if you think about it. Why on earth would I think I know more or have more control than God, who happens to be all-knowing, all powerful and in all places?!? Seriously, that makes me a special kind of stupid. Again.
I want to trust Him enough to make my first thoughts "Does this glorify God" and not "How does this affect me/make me feel." Obviously, I am not capable of this on my own (as we've seen.) It is the cry of my heart, today, for His help on this.
God does not exist for me. He does not need me. But I was created for Him, and without a doubt I need Him desperately. It's time I start living it...in that order.
There's more He's teaching me...but one thing at a time :)
What's He showing you? Do you hear Him? Are you listening or hiding? What's the cry of your heart?
- Sarah@Life in the Parsonage
- Wife to Ben, who also happens to be the Pastor of a sweet little church in a tiny little town. Mama to three boys and little Lucy. We live in the parsonage, 27 steps from said little church. This is the journey...it involves lots of run-on sentences.
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The Fringe Hours
good stuff sarah. i so desperately need Him now! your great, thanks for the encouragement!
ReplyDeleteOur Bible study group at church is going through the "No Other Gods" by Kelly Minter along with the bloggy Siestas. This is something we are searching out in our hearts as well. I, too, want putting God first(in everything) in my life to become a second nature for me.
ReplyDeleteDon't you just love it when God takes the time to perfect us -- especially when the testing, teaching and learning periods are over? :)
Blessing,
Sherry
great post!
ReplyDeleteI too am going through the "No Other Gods" study. It's right along these lines and God is really speaking to my heart. This was an excellent post, thanks for sharing your heart.
ReplyDeleteThe cry of my heart is to truly seek God first, above all else, not just with my mouth but with my whole self! Our God, He is most definitely ASTOUNDING!
Sarah,
ReplyDeleteGreat Post!
We started Seeking Him last week and my toes are already so sore from the first chapter! You were right ~ It's a great study!
Michelle
Great post, Sarah. I struggle with this very thing each day.
ReplyDeleteoh, i can relate to this. thanks for making me think more about it.
ReplyDeleteGreat post Sarah! This is a lesson I am constantly learning.....and often wonder if I will ever really learn....selfishness comes so naturally to all of us, doesn't it?
ReplyDeleteI even see my selfishness in my fear of dying. I don't want to die -- I want to see all of my kids grow up and marry and have grandchildren. I think that is selfish of me because, really, shouldn't I long to be in heaven with my Lord and Savior?!!?
Thanks for the reminder!
I had no idea our kids were the same age. =)
Too bad your not joining me with the 4th one that is due in 2 months....=)
in HIM -
Mindy
great post! so true!
ReplyDeleteYou have no idea how this spoke to my heart today. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteWow, did God ever use your words to penetrate my heart today. I read this earlier today, but didn't have much time to respond. I decided I better write you back now that I'm home because the longer I ponder your post, the more UGLY in me I see. Pride, Fear, Jealousy, Doubt, Selfishness...sadly, I could go on. I'm listening and I echo your prayer today. Thanks for sharing your heart so openly. You've challenged mine immensely...
ReplyDeleteBeautiful. I am in such a funk today and needed to read this.
ReplyDeleteI have a surprise on my blog for you...it won't be there until 6 am tomorrow. So stop by to see it when you get the chance.
GREAT post! I am doing No Other Gods by Kellie Minter, too.
ReplyDeleteI truly believe God is wanting each of us to know this, live this and walk this truth out for His glory.
And to show the World. Because He is He is our Soon and Coming King.
Steph
I'm in awe of His goodness and life for many of us is so very, very much about "self." (even if it isn't intentional)
ReplyDeleteIt's encouraging to know that we are not alone in this & that He will help us as we strive to serve Him whole-heartedly!
Blessings to you today & thanks for this post... it's GOOD STUFF for all of us!
Great post, girl! It's the same with me ... learning to put myself and my feelings and emotions aside and His desires first. Dying to self daily. It's so hard. The flesh is weak, but the spirit is willing. If I could just get my sinful old flesh to line up with the desire to please Him, there wouldn't be a problem.
ReplyDeleteJust wonderful. This spoke to my heart....
ReplyDeleteWhy did I click your link from Lori's site? Random? I think not. I think that God is whispering to my heart through you.
Be blessed.
Jen
Thank you for a very real post and a great challenge. I appreciated it greatly!
ReplyDeleteGreat Stuff! Thank you for sharing!
ReplyDeleteYou speak Truth I needed to hear!
ReplyDeleteStumbled on your blog from I can't remember where--and I've enjoyed reading! I'm a mom of boys as well--four!
blessings,
Lisa
I really appreciated this post and wanted to let you know I left a link to it in the comments section of my Weekend Thoughts post today. You can check it out here.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing!