I need God to show me what to do, where to go, when and how much. Does that make sense? On my own, I'm excessive in some areas, and completely lacking in others. Exhausting.
As I re-read my last post, I realized that one of the reasons I want "normal" back, is because I am having trouble balancing the tragedy that has occurred with every day life. Focusing on all the devastation leaves me feeling empty and depleted, yet enjoying life makes me feel guilty. My family lost nothing in the tornado. So many friends, lost everything. In order to make up for that, I've taken some huge burden upon myself to grieve over all of them...to want to help all of them...in the meantime, I've found myself utterly frustrated with myself and others for not doing enough.
Yesterday afternoon I found myself complaining to God. Wish I could call it prayer, but it wasn't...it was more like a combination of whining & begging. But God, ever so quietly, has been speaking to my heart. Here's what He's shown me...
- He took me to the book of Psalms *sigh* what better place!?!
- I am feeling overwhelmed because I am taking on burdens that are not mine to bear. I repeat: NOT MINE TO BEAR. Some of them are...but I have excessively heaped loads of stuff onto myself that I CANNOT possibly handle. I do it out of guilt, I think. This does no one any good. I need to rely on Him for the who, what, when, where and how much questions.
- He is willing to teach me how to live joyfully amidst chaos, if I will just LET him.
I know that these issues were there, for me, long before tragedy hit. I know many others struggle with the same problem of balancing...it is not new or unique to me. But I no longer want to deal with it like I always have...I want to learn to allow Him to show me HEALTHY ways to deal with life amidst chaos.
One little verse that really grabbed me was Psalms 90:12
"Teach us to number our days and recognize how few they are; help us to spend them as we should."
Here's to that!
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God wants us to lay ALL of our burdens at His feet. We were not made to carry them around with us...NONE OF THEM!
ReplyDeleteRejoice in Him.
Depending on God is a realization of our own powerlessness without him...and our need for his constant presence in our lives.
WOW! Good Stuff to meditate on. Maybe I need another few minutes of quiet time myself this morning.
I love that verse and I'm sure w/everything going on it speaks to you even more.
ReplyDeleteBoy, we all, as women especially, are so guilty of this! Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeletePS I posted a comment in reply to your comment on my blog :0)
I know exactly what you mean! I too take on everyone elses projects and burdens. I have trouble saying no. Thank you for your post today - Psalm 90:12 - We all should have that verse up on the fridge where we can visualize it each and every day!
ReplyDeleteIt's so hard to find the balance in a world that has been shaken. Knowing that "normal" like you knew it may not be the same but I hope you can now try to find the "new normal" after the tornado.
ReplyDeleteThis is a continual struggle with me too. I wish I could say I have learned my lesson but obviously not. I always struggle with how much is enough...and is too much OK depending on the circumstances?
ReplyDeleteI'll say a prayer for ya...
I hear ya friend! That is a hard place to be and a real struggle for sure. Remember that you will continue to be in my prayers. I love that verse! Oh how I want to spend my days as I should! The only way to know how we should spend our days is to be following hard after God, and it is obvious that is exactly where your heart is...longing to know and follow Him.
ReplyDeleteAround our house we have become increasingly aware of how crucial ballance is. (we call it the "B" word)
ReplyDeletePsalm 55:22 is very encouraging to me.
ANd he Said unto me,My grace is sufficient for thee; for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in infirmities,that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
ReplyDeleteCome to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.
Matthew 11;28
You are a servant and sometimes servants overdo, but that's when God is doing for you. Don't be rough on yourself!
You ARE a BLESSING!
Be blessed!
Lorie
Hang in there Sarah! You're a helper that is what you do best. But remember, you're also good at making lists. So each day think about what you can logically take on so you don't overwhelm yourself.
ReplyDeleteYou're so sweet to take on so much! Everyone appreciates you!
Good stuff Sarah. That's a really hard spot, you definitely have the gift of compassion. Where is that line where we are His hands and feet and when only God can fill the gap that we so want to fill for people? I completely understand.
ReplyDeleteThe older I get, the more I believe that most of the problems we face could be solved with a God-balanced approach.
ReplyDeleteGreat truth here, Sarah.
I love that verse from Psalm 90 at the end!
ReplyDeleteI hear you. I always struggle with emotionally taking on others' burdens...that aren't mine to bear. And it doesn't help anybody when I do that. It's so hard sometimes!
ReplyDeletePraying for you to find that perfect balance.
Fantastic perspective Sarah.
ReplyDeleteI'm one of those "taking on the worlds problems" people myslef. :) Sometimes it is a great way to "rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep" -other times it is way more than we were ever intended to handle on our own.
ReplyDeleteHere's to learning balance. That is a biggie for us here as well...
so, a couple of years ago I did a study on Balanced Living from Focus on the Family and when I read this post I knew I needed to share a piece of it with you and your readers ...
ReplyDelete"Our society is quicky to praise people who are balanced. We admire women who are able to keep their homes, selves, families, careers, appearances and relationships in balance and - what would appear - under control. We want to believe that we can have and do it all with ease. But can we? At first glance, a blanced lifestyle seems to be the very things that we, as Christian women, should pursue.
But is balance really what we're looking for??
As women trying to find balance, our hope is this: God is not concerned with each of us trying to keep all the parts of our own lives together and running them smoothly. In fact, He doesn't want us to hold on to any of it. Rather, He would have us turn over every aspect of our lives - the good and the bad - and pursue Him. He will then be faithful to help us accept where we are, identify our needs, trust that He will provide for us in the pressures of life, discern the urgent for the truly important, shuffle our activities according to His prioritites, replace our sense of duty with passion and fin His pleasure in the ordinary.
For Christians, perhaps a better word for "balance" is "surrender." Ironically, the less we try to control and manipulate our lives, the more God balances them in the way that He created us to be and to live.
so... now that I basically typed the whole chapter :) I just thought it gave great insight & made me ponder what "balance" really is!
I wrote a post on it two years ago... feel free to read:
http://murdockcattle.blogspot.com/2006/07/balance.html
I don't have a green thumb either so don't feel too bad...or maybe you do....I grow weeds the best myself.
ReplyDeleteI found your blog from a blog of a friend...so many blogs back I'm not sure how I found you to be honest! ha ha
come over and visit!
www.mommyluann.blogspot.com