Who Am I, Really?

This is from 2006. It was the last time we tried to pose together, as a family, for a picture. Sure, we've gotten candid snapshots of the 5 of us since then...but that's it. Why? Because it is a huge pain, and frankly, it does not bring out the best in me. We did end up with a shot we could send out in the Christmas cards (thanks to my friend, Jenni's persistence.) Now, as I look back at all the shots, I smile...because this is what we look like. This picture does capture who we are and the stage we were in...but at the time, I just wanted it to look like the family portraits on display at the mall....perfect smiling faces, in the perfect position...that will not happen, because that is not us.

• Looking back through these pictures made me take a look at my family in a new way...take it for what it is...the good, the bad...and the crazy silliness! Its also reminded me that I need to look at myself in the same way...not through a filtered lens of who I think I am, or say I am...but by what my actions reveal I am. Sometimes we think our everyday actions match our beliefs...but they don't. I know that apart from Jesus, I can do nothing. I know that I want to live my life, day in and day out, with Him in first place. Because my husband, children, family, friends, church, and strangers don't care what I say I believe...what I truly believe is revealed in my priorities. Ouch. If I want my boys to grow up and love the Lord with all that they are, I need to be showing them how real Jesus is...not just telling them. It's so much more about what they witness me doing , and so much less about what they hear from me. Here's what I'm asking God to help me to do...
• show by example, a love for people that are hard to love.
• make my priorities match my beliefs.
• remember the reasons why we go to church. We need the encouragement and support of other believers, we need their prayers and accountability, to worship Him together, to outwardly show He is a priority...and they need the same thing from us. We don't go...for show, to be entertained, to judge, out of habit or to win favor with God or people. We go, because Jesus established the church before He left...He knew it was important, that we needed it...and that is reason enough.
• help me to be in His Word, and in prayer, so that I can hear His still, small voice above all the other junk and voices. It's through that, that I gain the wisdom and discernment I need.
• to help me not to rely on myself or past victories to sustain me. They're not meant for that. I can look back on them and praise Him for what He did, but those victories do not give me the strength and mercy I need for today...only time with him today, does that.
  Lamentations 3:23 Great is his faithfulness; his loving-kindness begins afresh each day.

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